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Correction/opinion essay
Message from dlsur posted on 03-11-2011 at 20:30:39 (D | E | F)
Hello everyone
I need a correction please about an opinion essay , actually I just need to know where are the mistakes
I do not need to know for instance ,the correct verb, the correct preposition...ect
Thanks
Generations Apart :
Nowadays our family structure is changing and the relations between our families too.
There are a lot families that do not have enough contact with their grandparents . It seems to me
that this situation could be a problem for the next generation inside these families.
Firstly a lot families live and work far where they are original . so that the distance can be
another problem in this situation . Although the phone , internet and new technology can help
to solve It.
Furthermore We can find another situation where families who live near to their grandparents
In spite of the fact that the distance is not a problem , there are grandparents that meet
With their sons and grandchildren one or two time a mouth. In addition the solitude where a lot
Grandparents live, It is begining to be an important problem in our society.
On the other hand there some people who use their grandparents as assistants or social workers
An example of this are the grandparents that look for their grandchildren at the school or
Look after them until their fathers get home from work.
In conclusion as I see it We should spend much time with our grandparents and our families
Because our sons need to know where they come from, and our grandfathers need to feel
Tha they can teach a lot of things to the new generations.
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Edited by dlsur on 03-11-2011 20:31
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Edited by lucile83 on 03-11-2011 21:21
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Edited by dlsur on 04-11-2011 21:08
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Edited by dlsur on 05-11-2011 18:53
Message from dlsur posted on 03-11-2011 at 20:30:39 (D | E | F)
Hello everyone
I need a correction please about an opinion essay , actually I just need to know where are the mistakes
I do not need to know for instance ,the correct verb, the correct preposition...ect
Thanks
Generations Apart :
Nowadays our family structure is changing and the relations between our families too.
There are a lot families that do not have enough contact with their grandparents . It seems to me
that this situation could be a problem for the next generation inside these families.
Firstly a lot families live and work far where they are original . so that the distance can be
another problem in this situation . Although the phone , internet and new technology can help
to solve It.
Furthermore We can find another situation where families who live near to their grandparents
In spite of the fact that the distance is not a problem , there are grandparents that meet
With their sons and grandchildren one or two time a mouth. In addition the solitude where a lot
Grandparents live, It is begining to be an important problem in our society.
On the other hand there some people who use their grandparents as assistants or social workers
An example of this are the grandparents that look for their grandchildren at the school or
Look after them until their fathers get home from work.
In conclusion as I see it We should spend much time with our grandparents and our families
Because our sons need to know where they come from, and our grandfathers need to feel
Tha they can teach a lot of things to the new generations.
-------------------
Edited by dlsur on 03-11-2011 20:31
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 03-11-2011 21:21
-------------------
Edited by dlsur on 04-11-2011 21:08
-------------------
Edited by dlsur on 05-11-2011 18:53
Re: Correction/opinion essay from notrepere, posted on 04-11-2011 at 02:59:29 (D | E)
Generations Apert :
Nowadays, our family structure is changing and the relations between our families too.
There are a lot families that do not have enough contact with their grandparents. It seems to me
that this situation could be a problem for the next generation inside (1) these families.
Firstly, a lot (2) families live and work far where they are original (3) . so that the distance can be
Another problem in this situation . Althuogh the phone , internet and new technology can help
to solve It.
(1) within
(2) preposition missing
(3) rewrite; this doesn't make sense
Re: Correction/opinion essay from headway, posted on 04-11-2011 at 09:09:57 (D | E)
Hello,
"Furthermore We can find another situation where families who live near to their grandparents
In spite of the fact that the distance is not a problem , there are grandparents that meet
With their sons and grandchildren one or two times a mouth. In addition the solitude where a lot
Grandparents live, It is beginning to be an important problem in our society."
Headway.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 04-11-2011 09:23
This is the English only forum
Re: Correction/opinion essay from dlsur, posted on 04-11-2011 at 22:31:46 (D | E)
Hello everyone.
Thanks for the explanations and error correction.
I thought that I had more mistakes
Thanks.
Re: Correction/opinion essay from notrepere, posted on 04-11-2011 at 23:21:01 (D | E)
HelloPlease correct the errors indicated first and then we'll proceed with the next part. Thank you.
Re: Correction/opinion essay from lucile83, posted on 05-11-2011 at 08:33:18 (D | E)
Hello dlsur,
I saw you corrected the errors in your first message.
You should re-write your correction in a new post so that everything is clear for the members who proofread your text.Use the button 'Post a new reply' at the bottom of the page.
Thanks.
Re: Correction/opinion essay from dlsur, posted on 05-11-2011 at 19:13:27 (D | E)
Hello everyone
I am sorry for my mistake when I did the correction.
Thanks again .
Generations Apart :
Nowadays our family structure is changing and the relations between our families too.
There are a lot families that do not have enough contact with their grandparents . It seems to me
that this situation could be a problem for the next generation within these families.
Firstly a lot of families live and work far from home . so that the distance can be
another problem in this situation . Although the phone , internet and new technology can help
to solve It.
Furthermore We can find another situation where families who live near to their grandparents
In spite of the fact that the distance is not a problem , there are grandparents that meet
With their sons and grandchildren one or two time a mouth. In addition the solitude where a lot
Grandparents live, It is begining to be an important problem in our society.
On the other hand there are some people who use their grandparents as assistants or social workers
An example of this are the grandparents that look for their grandchildren at the school or
Look after them until their fathers get home from work.
In conclusion as I see it We should spend much time with our grandparents and our families
Because our sons need to know where they come from, and our grandfathers need to feel
Tha they can teach a lot of things to the new generations.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 05-11-2011 22:16
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