Correction/surconsommation

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Correction/surconsommation
Message de toverside posté le 10-01-2018 à 19:08:15 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
je suis en Terminale littéraire (toujours oui 😩) et je dois faire une expression écrite en anglais en donnant mon avis sur la société de consommation et le Black Friday.
J'aurais aimé avoir votre avis sur mon jet.
Pourriez-vous corriger mes fautes si le coeur vous en dit ?

The black friday is the day after Thanksgiving which illustrates perfectly the consumer society. First of all it encourages people to be superficials, they buy regardless of their needs because of cheap prices . This behavior of compulsive shopping hasn't got limits during the Black Friday, customers camp in front of the mall for a few days to be the first. Next as soon as the store doors open people rush to get the best deals, it's the law of the jungle. They can fight with others just to have bargains, they are determined to buy all they can. Indeed in 2008 an employee at Wal-Mart have been killed because people were uncontrollable. He has been trampled by customers and he is dead. After that the shop has decided to closed. However shoppers have queued up a long time and wanted to inter into the shop, they were selfish and insensible to the death of this man. This event shows perfectly the decadence of consumer society and how people can be insane.
The overconsumption is ubiquitous in our society and the Black Friday renforces it.

Belle soirée !

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Modifié par lucile83 le 11-01-2018 07:18

Réponse : Correction/surconsommation de gerondif, postée le 11-01-2018 à 12:27:53 (S | E)
Bonjour
erreurs en bleu, suggestions en vert

~~The~~ black friday (majuscule !!) is the day after Thanksgiving which illustrates perfectly the consumer society. First of all(virgule) it encourages people to be superficials(pas de s de pluriel aux adjectifs), they buy regardless of their needs because of cheap prices . This behavior of compulsive shopping hasn't got limits(sonne trop français. knows no boundaries / blooms without any limits) during the Black Friday, customers camp in front of the mall for a few days to be (sure to be among) the first. Next(virgule) as soon as the store doors open(virgule) people rush to get the best deals, it's the law of the jungle. They can fight with others just to have bargains, they are determined to buy all(everything / as much as) they can. Indeed in 2008 an employee at Wal-Mart have been(mettez get au prétérit pour indiquer le résultat d'une action) killed because people were uncontrollable. He has been(mettez être au prétérit, c'est datyé) trampled by customers and he is dead(NON! mettez le verbe d'action ti die au prétérit, c'est la dernière ACTION de ce pauvre homme. j'explique : dead est un adjectif d'état, comme cold ou blue. Je peux vous dire, en montrant le bois de ma chaise: this wood is dead. Je peux vous dire de Johnny, he is dead, c'est son état actuel. Mais le français a tendance a dire il est mort en 1970 au lieu de il mourut en 1970 ppour de Gaulle par exemple. general De Gaulle died in 1970, sa dernière action d'homme vivant. He is dead (son état actuel) ) After that(pas assez précis, en lisant votre essai, j'ai d'abord cru que la chaine avait fermé pour de bon toutes ses antennes mais en fait vous parlez de ce magasin ce jour précis, alors soyez plus précise: When that unfortunate accident happened,) the shop has decided (mettez un prétérit, le verbe essayer irait bien)to closed(oups ! c'est un infinitif !!). However(virgule) shoppers have queued(mettez un plus que parfait en ing) up a long time and wanted to inter(mettez un verbe normal, et non pas enter qui fait français traduit et est trop littéraire) into the shop, they were selfish and insensible(ATTENTION: sensible signifie plein de bon sene et sensitive sensible) to the death of this man. This event shows perfectly the decadence of consumer society and how insane people can be .
The overconsumption is ubiquitous in our society and the Black Friday renforces (mal orthographié) it.

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