Idea of progress/correction
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Message de manoon2 posté le 26-04-2018 à 19:29:39 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
je poste ma deuxième synthèse pour l'oral du Bac qui arrive très vite pour moi ! J'aimerais avoir une correction ainsi qu'un avis sur mon devoir. Merci d'avance pour votre aide !
INTRODUCTION: The notion I am going to talk about is the notion of idea of progress. This notion can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. However, I am going to deal with medicine breakthrough.
The question I would like to ask is: Are all medical breakthroughs a form of progress?
To begin with I will speak about medical breakthroughs which are a form of progress, and in a second part I will talk about the ethical problems those breakthroughs can raise.
FIRST PART: First of all, in class with my group we learnt about a 12 year old boy that received the first 3D printed vertebra implant. The child from China had a tumor on a spinal cord and he needed an implant. He was the first person ever to receive a 3D printed vertebra implant. 3D printed implants allow to operate on a patient without waiting for a donor, and the advantage is the perfect shape of the implant for any patient because it is custom made for him. 3D printed implants are more and more used in surgery and it allows to push back the medicine limits.
With the other groups I learnt about other breakthroughs. For example, there is a group who worked on a new implant to help a boy hear for the first time. He was the first child in the United States to receive an auditory brain stern implant. The doctor said that boy's sound aware but he doesn't know what the boy hears exactly. His parents said it was the most amazing thing they have ever seen.
The breakthrough which struck me most is the robotic arm, because people like fireman, rescuers, soldiers, or those who help other when they have an accident and lose a limb, have the right to continue to live normally. The robotic limb that they received allows us to live in good conditions. This breakthrough is an advance for mankind because heroes are rewarded.
Today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and those breakthroughs are some examples.
SECOND PART: Furthermore, in class we also studied designers babies. It's a good thing to treat genetic diseases found in the embryo because the baby can be born without certain illnesses: it allows the baby not to suffer later and this is wonderful. But when people will be able to choose the colour of eyes or hair of the baby, it's completely absurd for me, we don't have to choose, our baby is not a doll.
Moreover, some breakthroughs are more expensive and certain people can't pay for them. Indeed, not everybody has the same access to medical care, in class we saw a cartoon where a man bought several transplants but he didn't need them. It may sound like science fiction but organ harvesting has become a booming business today. In reality, it is not possible to buy several transplant without need them but it shows to everyone that some people can't afford to pay for a transplant.
Furthermore, there are animal organ transplants which exist and not everyone can receive a pork organ because their religion doesn't allow it.
CONCLUSION: To conclude, today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and some breakthroughs are a form of progress because it improve medicine. However certain breakthroughs are harmful when people diverts their use.
This topic makes me think about natural remedies: Can they be an alternative or a complement to medical progress?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-04-2018 21:46
Message de manoon2 posté le 26-04-2018 à 19:29:39 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
je poste ma deuxième synthèse pour l'oral du Bac qui arrive très vite pour moi ! J'aimerais avoir une correction ainsi qu'un avis sur mon devoir. Merci d'avance pour votre aide !
INTRODUCTION: The notion I am going to talk about is the notion of idea of progress. This notion can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. However, I am going to deal with medicine breakthrough.
The question I would like to ask is: Are all medical breakthroughs a form of progress?
To begin with I will speak about medical breakthroughs which are a form of progress, and in a second part I will talk about the ethical problems those breakthroughs can raise.
FIRST PART: First of all, in class with my group we learnt about a 12 year old boy that received the first 3D printed vertebra implant. The child from China had a tumor on a spinal cord and he needed an implant. He was the first person ever to receive a 3D printed vertebra implant. 3D printed implants allow to operate on a patient without waiting for a donor, and the advantage is the perfect shape of the implant for any patient because it is custom made for him. 3D printed implants are more and more used in surgery and it allows to push back the medicine limits.
With the other groups I learnt about other breakthroughs. For example, there is a group who worked on a new implant to help a boy hear for the first time. He was the first child in the United States to receive an auditory brain stern implant. The doctor said that boy's sound aware but he doesn't know what the boy hears exactly. His parents said it was the most amazing thing they have ever seen.
The breakthrough which struck me most is the robotic arm, because people like fireman, rescuers, soldiers, or those who help other when they have an accident and lose a limb, have the right to continue to live normally. The robotic limb that they received allows us to live in good conditions. This breakthrough is an advance for mankind because heroes are rewarded.
Today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and those breakthroughs are some examples.
SECOND PART: Furthermore, in class we also studied designers babies. It's a good thing to treat genetic diseases found in the embryo because the baby can be born without certain illnesses: it allows the baby not to suffer later and this is wonderful. But when people will be able to choose the colour of eyes or hair of the baby, it's completely absurd for me, we don't have to choose, our baby is not a doll.
Moreover, some breakthroughs are more expensive and certain people can't pay for them. Indeed, not everybody has the same access to medical care, in class we saw a cartoon where a man bought several transplants but he didn't need them. It may sound like science fiction but organ harvesting has become a booming business today. In reality, it is not possible to buy several transplant without need them but it shows to everyone that some people can't afford to pay for a transplant.
Furthermore, there are animal organ transplants which exist and not everyone can receive a pork organ because their religion doesn't allow it.
CONCLUSION: To conclude, today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and some breakthroughs are a form of progress because it improve medicine. However certain breakthroughs are harmful when people diverts their use.
This topic makes me think about natural remedies: Can they be an alternative or a complement to medical progress?
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 26-04-2018 21:46
Réponse : Idea of progress/correction de gerondif, postée le 29-04-2018 à 00:18:12 (S | E)
Bonsoir
Pensez aussi à préparer l'oral interactif qui suivra, je vois dans ce texte des paragraphes bien écrits, comme préparés en cours, et qui seront récités mais le par coeur ne suffit pas.
erreurs en bleu.
INTRODUCTION: The notion I am going to talk about is the notion of idea of progress. This notion can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. However(pourquoi dire "cependant, pourtant ?), I am going to deal with medicine breakthrough.(si ça reste au singulier, ça fait bizarre)
The question I would like to ask is: Are all medical breakthroughs a form of progress?
To begin with I will speak about medical breakthroughs which are a form of progress, and in a second part I will talk about the ethical problems those breakthroughs can raise.
FIRST PART: First of all, in class with my group we learnt about a 12-year-old boy that(who) received the first 3D printed vertebra implant. The child from China had a tumor on a spinal cord and he needed an implant. He was the first person ever to receive a 3D printed vertebra implant. 3D printed implants allow to operate on a patient without waiting for a donor, and the advantage is the perfect shape of the implant for any patient because it is custom made for him. 3D printed implants are more and more used in surgery and it allows to push back the medicine limits.(on dirait une pub pour le produit)
With the other groups I learnt about other breakthroughs. For example, there is(prétérit) a group who worked on a new implant to help a boy hear for the first time. He was the first child in the United States to receive an auditory brain stern implant. The doctor said that boy's sound aware but he doesn't know what the boy hears exactly(j'aurais tout mis au prétérit). His parents said it was the most amazing thing they have(pluperfect) ever seen.
The breakthrough which struck me most is the robotic arm, because people like fireman(pluriel), rescuers, soldiers, or those who help other(pluriel) when they have an accident and lose a limb, have the right to continue to live normally. The robotic limb that they received allows us (plutôt them) to live in good conditions. This breakthrough is an advance for mankind because heroes are rewarded.
Today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and those breakthroughs are some examples.
SECOND PART: Furthermore, in class we also studied designers babies soit c'est un cas possessif, soit c'est un nom composé et le premier élément est invariable). It's a good thing to treat genetic diseases found in the embryo because the baby can be born without certain illnesses: it allows the baby not to suffer later and this is wonderful. But when people will be(pas de futur derrière when en circonstancielle de temps) able to choose the colour of eyes or hair of the baby, it's completely absurd for me, we don't have to choose, our baby is not a doll.
Moreover, some breakthroughs are more expensive and certain people can't pay for them. Indeed, not everybody has the same access to medical care, in class we saw a cartoon where a man bought several transplants but he didn't need them. It may sound like science fiction but organ harvesting has become a booming business today. In reality, it is(il ne devrait pas être possible de, utilisez should) not possible to buy several transplant without need(ing) them but it shows
Furthermore, there are animal organ transplants which exist and not everyone can receive a pork organ because their religion doesn't allow it.
CONCLUSION: To conclude, today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and some breakthroughs are a form of progress because it improve (le s du présent !)medicine. However certain breakthroughs are harmful when people diverts their use.
This topic makes me think about(think of = penser à tgink about = réfléchir sur) natural remedies: Can they be an alternative or a complement to medical progress?
Réponse : Idea of progress/correction de manoon2, postée le 29-04-2018 à 11:44:23 (S | E)
Bonjour,
voici ma correction ainsi que des indications sur le sens de mes phrases qui étaient un peu floues. Avec ces explications mes phrases sont-elles toujours correctes? Je vous remercie pour votre aide. Mes corrections sont en
INTRODUCTION: The notion I am going to talk about is the notion of idea of progress. This notion can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. Now (est il correcte d'utiliser maintenant ou est il plus judicieux de ne pas mettre de mot de liaison?), I am going to deal with medicine breakthroughs.
The question I would like to ask is: Are all medical breakthroughs a form of progress?
To begin with I will speak about medical breakthroughs which are a form of progress, and in a second part I will talk about the ethical problems those breakthroughs can raise.
FIRST PART: First of all, in class with my group we learnt about a 12 year old boy who received the first 3D printed vertebra implant. The child from China had a tumor on a spinal cord and he needed an implant. He was the first person ever to receive a 3D printed vertebra implant. 3D printed implants allow to operate on a patient without waiting for a donor, and the advantage is the perfect shape of the implant for any patient because it is custom made for him. 3D printed implants are more and more used in surgery and they allow to push back medicine limits. je vois ce que vous voulez dire par pub, et c'est un peu le but de ces phrases pour comprendre l'importance de ces innovations haha !
With the other groups I learnt about other breakthroughs. For example, there was a group who worked on a new implant to help a boy hear for the first time. He was the first child in the United States to receive an auditory brain stern implant. The doctor said that the boy was sound aware but he didn't know what the boy heardexactly. His parents said it was the most amazing thing they had ever seen.
The breakthrough which struck me most is the robotic arm, because people like firemans, rescuers, soldiers, or those who help others when they have an accident and lose a limb, have the right to continue to live normally. The robotic limb that they received allows them to live in good conditions. This breakthrough is an advance for mankind because heroes are rewarded.
Today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and those breakthroughs are some examples.
SECOND PART: Furthermore, in class we also studied designer babies. It's a good thing to treat genetic diseases found in the embryo because the baby can be born without certain illnesses: it allows the baby not to suffer later and this is wonderful. But when people be able to choose the colour of eyes or hair of the baby, it's completely absurd for me, we don't have to choose, our baby is not a doll.
Moreover, some breakthroughs are more expensive and certain people can't pay for them. Indeed, not everybody has the same access to medical care, in class we saw a cartoon where a man bought several transplants but he didn't need them. It may sound like science fiction but organ harvesting has become a booming business today. In reality, (par cette phrase je veux dire il n'est pas possible et non ne devrait pas) it is not possible to buy several transplants without needing them but it shows to everyone that some people can't afford to pay for a transplant.
Furthermore, there are animal organ transplants which exist and not everyone can receive a pork organ because their religion doesn't allow it.
To conclude, today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and some breakthroughs are a form of progress because they improve medicine. However certain breakthroughs are harmful when people divert their uses.
This topic makes me think about (pour think about ou think of je n'arrive pas à me decider je ne sais pas si l'un est plus correct que l'autre mais dans les deux cas, pour ma part, en français cela me convient pouvez-vous m'aiguiller?) natural remedies: Can they be an alternative or a complement to medical progress?
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-04-2018 12:16
Réponse : Idea of progress/correction de gerondif, postée le 30-04-2018 à 15:29:21 (S | E)
Bonjour
The notion I am going to talk about is the notion of idea of progress. This notion can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. Now (est il correct d'utiliser maintenant ? Pourquoi pas ...), I am going to deal with medicine breakthroughs.
The question I would like to ask is: Are all medical breakthroughs a form of progress?
To begin with I will speak about medical breakthroughs which are a form of progress, and in a second part I will talk about the ethical problems those breakthroughs can raise.
FIRST PART: First of all, in class with my group we learnt about a 12-year-old (adj composé, tirets) boy who received the first 3D printed vertebra implant. The child from China had a tumor on a spinal cord and he needed an implant. He was the first person ever to receive a 3D printed vertebra implant. 3D printed implants allow to operate on a patient without waiting for a donor, and the advantage is the perfect shape of the implant for any patient because it is custom made for him. 3D printed implants are more and more used in surgery and they allow to push back medicine limits.
With the other groups I learnt about other breakthroughs. For example, there was a group who worked on a new implant to help a boy hear for the first time. He was the first child in the United States to receive an auditory brain stern implant. The doctor said that the boy was sound aware but he didn't know what the boy heard (could hear si on parle vraiment du sens de l'ouie) exactly. His parents said it was the most amazing thing they had ever seen.
The breakthrough which struck me most is the robotic arm, because people like firemans(oh, quand même !! a man 2 men !), rescuers, soldiers, or those who help others when they have an accident and lose a limb, have the right to continue to live normally. The robotic limb that they received allows them to live in good conditions. This breakthrough is an advance for mankind because heroes are rewarded.
Today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and those breakthroughs are some examples.
SECOND PART: Furthermore, in class we also studied designer babies. It's a good thing to treat genetic diseases found in the embryo because the baby can be born without certain illnesses: it allows the baby not to suffer later and this is wonderful. But when people be(conjuguez ce verbe au présent! entre votre mans et ce be, je vais finir par croire que vous n'avez pas de bases !) able to choose the colour of eyes or hair of the baby, it's completely absurd for me, we don't have (le sens et le mode du verbe me paraissent bizarre, nous ne sommes pas obligés de choisir) to choose, our baby is not a doll.
Moreover, some breakthroughs are more expensive and certain people can't pay for them. Indeed, not everybody has the same access to medical care, in class we saw a cartoon where a man bought several transplants but he didn't need them. It may sound like science fiction but organ harvesting has become a booming business today. In reality, (par cette phrase je veux dire il n'est pas possible et non ne devrait pas) it is not possible (allowed) to buy several transplants without needing them but it shows to(à ôter) everyone that some people can't afford to pay for a transplant (je ne vois pas en quoi le fait d'interdire l'achatd' organes à transplanter montre à chacun que certains ne peuvent se les payer, la logique m'échappe).
Furthermore, there are animal organ transplants which exist and not everyone can receive a pork organ because their religion doesn't allow it.
To conclude, today, with medicine we can do unbelievable things which save more people and some breakthroughs are a form of progress because they improve medicine. However certain breakthroughs are harmful when people divert their uses.
This topic makes me think about pouvais vous m'aiguiller? (Mon dieu, il est grand temps de faire la différence entre le son é de pourrai, pouvez, pourriez et le son ê de pouvais, pourrais...)(à vous de choisir si ça vous rappelle le sujet ou si ça vous fait réfléchir sur le sujet) natural remedies: Can they be an alternative or a complement to medical progress?
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