Correction oral/BTS
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basCorrection oral/BTS
Message de zedd posté le 22-05-2019 à 10:44:41 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger mon texte s'il vous plait?
Je passe mon oral d'anglais pour mon BTS SN, je dois présenter 3 documents avec points communs. Pour ma part ils sont tous à propos de la sécurité informatique en entreprise. Tous les documents doivent être relatifs à mon stage et ce que j'ai fait en stage.
The first documents is a news items(fait divers?), published on the website HeatlhcareITnews.com on March 2008.The second one from the same website, explain the evolution's possibility in term of next-gen computing for healthcare etablissement.The last one is a technical documentation from McAfee for the software McAfee ePolicy Orchestrator. All the documents are about security in healthcare.
The news items deals about a malware thats infected the EHR server and patients data of the baltimore lifebridge hostpital. Because of this attacks, about 500k patients saw ther data exposed like birthdate, weight, height, security number...
On the others hands, the second article explain that I.T have an important place actually in healthcare. This article shows evolution possibility for computing in term of security but not only also real-time data. To upgrade security, this documents propose as a solutions to complexify the login by adding more steps like biometric, captcha... It's exactly what the hospital wants to improve said the director of the healthcenter.
To block malware in my workplacement, my tutor(maitre de stage) use as a solution the McAfee security suite for security. McAfee agent an antivirus can be deployed remotly(a distance?) with the software McAfee ePolicy Orchestrator. Thanks to the technical documentation, i have installed step by step easily the antivirus.
The protection of patient's data in healtcare are very important to respect their privacy. Data are valuable. The second documents introduce a law called HIPAA that means ".....". This law sets the protection of data in the health sector. In france this law exist under the name RGPD by the organism CNIL.
To conclude, all the documents are about security in healthcare. THe first shows consequences of a bad security, the second deals about evolution's possibility in IT healthcare. And the last one, it's a present solutions that i use during my workplacement.
Quels peuvent être les axes d'amélioration de mon oral ? Pour une durée de 4 minutes d'oral est-ce convenable ?
Merci d'avoir pris le temps de corriger mon oral !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-05-2019 10:55
Message de zedd posté le 22-05-2019 à 10:44:41 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger mon texte s'il vous plait?
Je passe mon oral d'anglais pour mon BTS SN, je dois présenter 3 documents avec points communs. Pour ma part ils sont tous à propos de la sécurité informatique en entreprise. Tous les documents doivent être relatifs à mon stage et ce que j'ai fait en stage.
The first documents is a news items(fait divers?), published on the website HeatlhcareITnews.com on March 2008.The second one from the same website, explain the evolution's possibility in term of next-gen computing for healthcare etablissement.The last one is a technical documentation from McAfee for the software McAfee ePolicy Orchestrator. All the documents are about security in healthcare.
The news items deals about a malware thats infected the EHR server and patients data of the baltimore lifebridge hostpital. Because of this attacks, about 500k patients saw ther data exposed like birthdate, weight, height, security number...
On the others hands, the second article explain that I.T have an important place actually in healthcare. This article shows evolution possibility for computing in term of security but not only also real-time data. To upgrade security, this documents propose as a solutions to complexify the login by adding more steps like biometric, captcha... It's exactly what the hospital wants to improve said the director of the healthcenter.
To block malware in my workplacement, my tutor(maitre de stage) use as a solution the McAfee security suite for security. McAfee agent an antivirus can be deployed remotly(a distance?) with the software McAfee ePolicy Orchestrator. Thanks to the technical documentation, i have installed step by step easily the antivirus.
The protection of patient's data in healtcare are very important to respect their privacy. Data are valuable. The second documents introduce a law called HIPAA that means ".....". This law sets the protection of data in the health sector. In france this law exist under the name RGPD by the organism CNIL.
To conclude, all the documents are about security in healthcare. THe first shows consequences of a bad security, the second deals about evolution's possibility in IT healthcare. And the last one, it's a present solutions that i use during my workplacement.
Quels peuvent être les axes d'amélioration de mon oral ? Pour une durée de 4 minutes d'oral est-ce convenable ?
Merci d'avoir pris le temps de corriger mon oral !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-05-2019 10:55
Réponse : Correction oral/BTS de nate, postée le 22-05-2019 à 17:49:22 (S | E)
Hello!
Allez je me lance ! Si j'oublie des erreurs on viendra le signaler.
bleu = faute
XXX = terme(s) manquant(s)
The first documents is a news items, published on the website HeatlhcareITnews.com on March 2008.The second one XXX from the same website, explain the evolution's possibility in term of next-gen computing for healthcare etablissement. The last one is a technical documentation from McAfee for the software McAfee ePolicy Orchestrator. All the documents are about security in healthcare XXX.
The news items deals about a XXX XXX malware thats infected the EHR server and patients data of the baltimore lifebridge hostpital. Because of this attacks, about 500k patients saw ther data exposed like (I'd opt for "such as") birthdate, weight, height, XXX security number...
On the others hands, the second article explain that I.T have an important place actually (mauvaise place, que veut dire "actually" pour toi ?) in healthcare. This article shows evolution possibility for computing in term of security but not only also real-time data (reformule, ou ponctue). To upgrade security, this documents propose as a solutions (la forme est correcte mais je pense que ton examinateur ne sera pas fan de cette tournure...) to complexify
the login by adding more steps like biometric, captcha... "It's exactly what the hospital wants to improve" said the director of the health center.To block malware in my workplacement (espace), my tutor internship supervisor use as a solution the McAfee security suite for security to use (sth) as a security solution. McAfee agent, XXX XXX an antivirus XXX, can be deployed remotly(a distance? oui mais attention à l'orthographe) with the software (mauvaise place) McAfee ePolicy Orchestrator. Thanks to the technical documentation, i have installed step by step easily the antivirus utilise "gradually and easily" à la fin de ta phrase et remplace antivirus par "it".
The protection of patient's data in healtcare are very important to respect their privacy. Data are Lien internet
valuable. The second documents introduce a law called HIPAA that means ".....". This law sets the protection of data in the health sector. In france this law exist under the name XXX RGPD by the
To conclude, all the documents are about security in healthcare XXX. THe first shows XXX consequences of a bad security, the second deals about evolution's possibility in IT healthcare health information technology. And the last one, it's a present solutions that i use during my workplacement (espace).
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