Need help/translation
Forum > English only || BottomNeed help/translation
Message from yuffie posted on 05-02-2021 at 21:45:12 (D | E | F)
Hello everyone,😀
I write stories in French and would like to translate them into English. Unfortunately, my level of English is poor and I need help and advice to improve my translations and make them read fluently. Here is an excerpt from one of my texts, I used simple sentences to simplify their translation. I would like to know if there are any grammatical errors or if it sounds strange to an English speaker.
Thank you very much for the help!😇
"Rion had finished reading the contract. Meanwhile, Ms. Fuschia had remained silent, but kept her eyes fixed on her interlocutor.
- I don't approve of this contract, he said simply with a detached look on his face.
Mrs. Fuschia seemed taken aback, and after a moment's hesitation, she replied firmly:
- you have to approve it, there are no other options.
Rion shrugged his shoulders and stood up:
- You've wasted enough of my time. Goodbye madam, I wish I could say it was a pleasant discussion, but I hate to lie.
- Wait, I have something else to tell you...
After standing up, she approached him and whispered in his ear.
- But not here, someone could listen to us..."
Message from yuffie posted on 05-02-2021 at 21:45:12 (D | E | F)
Hello everyone,😀
I write stories in French and would like to translate them into English. Unfortunately, my level of English is poor and I need help and advice to improve my translations and make them read fluently. Here is an excerpt from one of my texts, I used simple sentences to simplify their translation. I would like to know if there are any grammatical errors or if it sounds strange to an English speaker.
Thank you very much for the help!😇
"Rion had finished reading the contract. Meanwhile, Ms. Fuschia had remained silent, but kept her eyes fixed on her interlocutor.
- I don't approve of this contract, he said simply with a detached look on his face.
Mrs. Fuschia seemed taken aback, and after a moment's hesitation, she replied firmly:
- you have to approve it, there are no other options.
Rion shrugged his shoulders and stood up:
- You've wasted enough of my time. Goodbye madam, I wish I could say it was a pleasant discussion, but I hate to lie.
- Wait, I have something else to tell you...
After standing up, she approached him and whispered in his ear.
- But not here, someone could listen to us..."
Re: Need help/translation from gerondif, posted on 06-02-2021 at 14:43:55 (D | E)
Hello
Your English is mostly good and would be understood. Sometimes, it would be said differently.
"Rion had finished reading the contract. Meanwhile, Ms. Fuschia had remained silent, but kept her eyes fixed on (kept staring at) her interlocutor.
- I don't approve of this contract, he said simply with a detached look on his face.
Mrs. Fuschia seemed taken aback, and after a moment's hesitation, she replied firmly:
- you have to approve it, there are no other options.
Rion shrugged his shoulders (shrugged would be enough, you can't shrug anything else but your shoulders) and stood up:
- You've wasted enough of my time. Goodbye madam, I wish I could say it was a pleasant discussion, but I hate to lie.
- Wait, I have something else to tell you...
After standing up, she approached him (approach is not so common, it is used when somebody reaches you with a purpose, to sell you something. she drew close to him, she drew near him, she walked close to him, and whispered in his ear.
- But not here, someone could listen to us..."(the verb to eavesdrop means just that "surprendre notre conversation. But not here, for fear someone might eavesdrop on us.
to eavesdrop on [sb/sth] vi + prep (listen secretly to) espionner⇒ vtr
(une conversation,...) écouter⇒ vtr
How did you know that? Were you eavesdropping on my phone call?
Re: Need help/translation from yuffie, posted on 07-02-2021 at 08:12:04 (D | E)
Thank you very much for the corrections!
😀 It will help me to improve my text.
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