Correction/Rapport enquête
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Message de yunvln posté le 15-04-2021 à 17:34:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je travaille actuellement sur un projet qui consistea creer une enquete. à créer une enquête.
J'aurais besoin de votre aide dans la correction de celui-ci, j'ai fait pas mal de recherches et j'en suis arrivé à ceci, cependant cela me rassurerait davantage si quelqu'un me donne son avis.
Merci d'avance
description of the crime scene
The crime took place in Snowshill in England, located near Broadway, Worcestershire in the lavender field, along Buckle St. The victim is a man, around 1m80, Caucasian look, he didn't know to police services. The body was found dead lying on the floor. First of all, I see a pool of blood and his neck is swollen with bruises, his pants is ripped, I have the impression that it is beaten.
I look his body, in more detail and I see a piece of skin under the victim's fingernails so I take a DNA sample.At his feet, there is a knife which he also covered in blood, but I don't know if it's his.I observe the surroundings, and I see that some plants are flattened, I have the impression that the body was dragged up to there.
I take the plant path that takes shape and arrives at the side of the road where there are tyre tracks but this can be unreliable. When I come back to the body, I observe footprints and their footprint seem bigger than the victim's, I can confirm he was not alone.
Report of tesimonies
1st male witness in a car:
P-Hello Mr Paul
T-Hello
T-Tell us what you saw.
T-Then, I was driving on backer street not far from the lavender fields and I saw a car at the stop, I almost ran into it, it was a red Volvo I think, but I'm not very sure, it was at night, it was hard to see
D-Did you recognize the vehicle model?
T-Absolutely not but it looked like an old model
P-Thank you, that's very helpful, have you seen anyone?
Y-Yes, I saw a man, accosted at this field, I thought he had stopped because he had an urge
D-Did you see anything else, like the licence plate of the vehicle, or anything specific about this man?
T-No I couldn't see the number plate, it all happened very quickly, but I think I saw a tattoo on the forearm, but I'm not sure at all
W-What time, was it?
T-It must have been 00h-01h I think
W-What were you doing here at this time?
T-I was coming back from my job, I'm a restaurateur at the Snowshill Arms
P-All right, thank you for your testimony, don't hesitate to contact us if anything comes to mind.
N-No worries, goodbye.
G-Goodbye.
2ᵉ testimonial manager of the Oat Hill Coach House:
P-Hello Mrs Oover
T-Hello, Sir
Y-You called us after the article in the Snowshill Times, right ?
Y-Yes, that's right, I called you because on the night of the murder, a man was sleeping in the hotel, but this person was bothering me a little, he was worrying me.
W-Why is that?
T-Because he already arrived very late, in the area there are few people, we are a small village, this person was not working in the area, and he could not stay in place he seemed stressed.
So he slept in your hotel?
T-Yes he took room 16 I think, one of the cheapest ones by the way.
D-Do you have anything to provide us with his identity?
Y-Yes, I can bring it back to you if you want.
P-please yes that would help us a lot! Oh yes, and lastly, did this client have a tattoo on his arm?
T-It seems to me yes, if I'm not mistaken
P-Thank you very much for your testimony, goodbye and have a nice day.
T-That's a pleasure, thank you. Have a nice day too.
COVER PAGES
EDMOND Jule
Born on 15/06/79
Discovered deceased on 19/11/11
Current date: 20/11/11, 17:36, Denmark Road Funeral Services
Naughty Yün forensic doctor
SURVEY DATA
For the investigation we then have the discovery of the body yesterday, by a resident who passed by,
testimonies were taken and a profile of the killer could be determined.
According to the police, there was a possible stabbing, but they could see that the victim had bruises on his neck.
The victim had no particular health concerns, a broken leg in 2005, allergic to aspirin.
RADIOLOGICAL EXAMINATIONS
We took an X-ray of the neck, on which it can be seen that the man was indeed strangled.
But also multiple x-rays on the hips and wrists and one on the skull.
EXTERNAL EXAMINATIONS
From the X-ray examinations, it appears that the victim died of strangulation.
She would have died of asphyxiation.
However, it was noticed that the victim had some trauma on his body.
First of all, the X-rays showed that the pelvis was fractured several times, but there were also micro fractures in the wrists.
After these examinations, it was concluded that the victim had been transported in the boot of a car while being tied up, which surely caused all these fractures.
As for the blood pool, it appears that the assailant stabbed the victim in the right flank below the armpit, but this apparently did not cause death.
AUTOPSY
Crane :
scalp: haematoma
Cranial vault: no fractures or haematomas
Base of the skull: haematoma
Examinations of the organs of the chest
Right and left lungs
-550g for the left lung and 400g for the right lung
No oedema
Perforation of the right lung for about 3 cm
Neck and facial examinations
No fractures or trauma to the face
Mouth: no trauma to the lip
Fractured hyoid bone
Carotid artery in poor condition
------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-04-2021 18:18
gris + mise en page lisible et normale
Message de yunvln posté le 15-04-2021 à 17:34:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je travaille actuellement sur un projet qui consiste
J'aurais besoin de votre aide dans la correction de celui-ci, j'ai fait pas mal de recherches et j'en suis arrivé à ceci, cependant cela me rassurerait davantage si quelqu'un me donne son avis.
Merci d'avance
description of the crime scene
The crime took place in Snowshill in England, located near Broadway, Worcestershire in the lavender field, along Buckle St. The victim is a man, around 1m80, Caucasian look, he didn't know to police services. The body was found dead lying on the floor. First of all, I see a pool of blood and his neck is swollen with bruises, his pants is ripped, I have the impression that it is beaten.
I look his body, in more detail and I see a piece of skin under the victim's fingernails so I take a DNA sample.At his feet, there is a knife which he also covered in blood, but I don't know if it's his.I observe the surroundings, and I see that some plants are flattened, I have the impression that the body was dragged up to there.
I take the plant path that takes shape and arrives at the side of the road where there are tyre tracks but this can be unreliable. When I come back to the body, I observe footprints and their footprint seem bigger than the victim's, I can confirm he was not alone.
Report of tesimonies
1st male witness in a car:
P-Hello Mr Paul
T-Hello
T-Tell us what you saw.
T-Then, I was driving on backer street not far from the lavender fields and I saw a car at the stop, I almost ran into it, it was a red Volvo I think, but I'm not very sure, it was at night, it was hard to see
D-Did you recognize the vehicle model?
T-Absolutely not but it looked like an old model
P-Thank you, that's very helpful, have you seen anyone?
Y-Yes, I saw a man, accosted at this field, I thought he had stopped because he had an urge
D-Did you see anything else, like the licence plate of the vehicle, or anything specific about this man?
T-No I couldn't see the number plate, it all happened very quickly, but I think I saw a tattoo on the forearm, but I'm not sure at all
W-What time, was it?
T-It must have been 00h-01h I think
W-What were you doing here at this time?
T-I was coming back from my job, I'm a restaurateur at the Snowshill Arms
P-All right, thank you for your testimony, don't hesitate to contact us if anything comes to mind.
N-No worries, goodbye.
G-Goodbye.
2ᵉ testimonial manager of the Oat Hill Coach House:
P-Hello Mrs Oover
T-Hello, Sir
Y-You called us after the article in the Snowshill Times, right ?
Y-Yes, that's right, I called you because on the night of the murder, a man was sleeping in the hotel, but this person was bothering me a little, he was worrying me.
W-Why is that?
T-Because he already arrived very late, in the area there are few people, we are a small village, this person was not working in the area, and he could not stay in place he seemed stressed.
So he slept in your hotel?
T-Yes he took room 16 I think, one of the cheapest ones by the way.
D-Do you have anything to provide us with his identity?
Y-Yes, I can bring it back to you if you want.
P-please yes that would help us a lot! Oh yes, and lastly, did this client have a tattoo on his arm?
T-It seems to me yes, if I'm not mistaken
P-Thank you very much for your testimony, goodbye and have a nice day.
T-That's a pleasure, thank you. Have a nice day too.
COVER PAGES
EDMOND Jule
Born on 15/06/79
Discovered deceased on 19/11/11
Current date: 20/11/11, 17:36, Denmark Road Funeral Services
Naughty Yün forensic doctor
SURVEY DATA
For the investigation we then have the discovery of the body yesterday, by a resident who passed by,
testimonies were taken and a profile of the killer could be determined.
According to the police, there was a possible stabbing, but they could see that the victim had bruises on his neck.
The victim had no particular health concerns, a broken leg in 2005, allergic to aspirin.
RADIOLOGICAL EXAMINATIONS
We took an X-ray of the neck, on which it can be seen that the man was indeed strangled.
But also multiple x-rays on the hips and wrists and one on the skull.
EXTERNAL EXAMINATIONS
From the X-ray examinations, it appears that the victim died of strangulation.
She would have died of asphyxiation.
However, it was noticed that the victim had some trauma on his body.
First of all, the X-rays showed that the pelvis was fractured several times, but there were also micro fractures in the wrists.
After these examinations, it was concluded that the victim had been transported in the boot of a car while being tied up, which surely caused all these fractures.
As for the blood pool, it appears that the assailant stabbed the victim in the right flank below the armpit, but this apparently did not cause death.
AUTOPSY
Crane :
scalp: haematoma
Cranial vault: no fractures or haematomas
Base of the skull: haematoma
Examinations of the organs of the chest
Right and left lungs
-550g for the left lung and 400g for the right lung
No oedema
Perforation of the right lung for about 3 cm
Neck and facial examinations
No fractures or trauma to the face
Mouth: no trauma to the lip
Fractured hyoid bone
Carotid artery in poor condition
------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-04-2021 18:18
gris + mise en page lisible et normale
Réponse : Correction/Rapport enquête de gerondif, postée le 16-04-2021 à 17:57:46 (S | E)
Bonjour
Erreurs en bleu suggestions en vert
Description of the crime scene
The crime took (vous commencez au prétérit mais e,suite vous allez dire I see... il faudrait harmoniser !)place in Snowshill in England, located ( à supprimer, sinon, c'est l'AQngleterre qui sera située à côté de Broadway)near Broadway, Worcestershire in the lavender field, along Buckle St (ells sont un peu en vrac, les indications). The victim is a man, around 1m80, Caucasian look, he didn't know to (ils ne connaissait à les services de police ne veut rien dire. inconnu des est une voix passive)police services. The body was found dead (un corps en général est trouve mort)(virgule) lying on the floor. First of all, I see a pool of blood and his neck is swollen with bruises, his pants is(pluriel) ripped, I have the impression that it is beaten.(alors, it, c'est qui ? pas le pantalon qui serait pluriel, et pas le type qui serait alors he. il est battu , Vous vouliez dire "on s'est battu ?" il faudrait traduire : "il y eut une bagarre.")
I look (le verbe c'est to look AT. to examine irait quand même mieux)his body in more detail and I see a piece of skin under the victim's fingernails so I take a DNA sample.At his feet, there is a knife which he(auxiliaire être, voix passive) also covered in blood, but I don't know if it's his.I observe the surroundings, and I see that some plants are flattened, I have the impression that the body was dragged up to there.
I take the plant path that takes shape (sens ? Je prends le chemin des plantes dqui prend forme ??) and arrives at (plutôt reaches) the side of the road where there are tyre tracks but this can be unreliable. When I come back to the body, I observe footprints and their(confusion entre ses et ces, démonstratif!) footprint (pluriel) seem bigger than the victim's, I can confirm he was not alone.
Report of testimonies
1st male witness in a car:
P-Hello Mr Paul
T-Hello
T-Tell us what you saw.
T-Then, Well, I was driving on backer (majuscule, orthographe) street not far from the lavender fields and I saw a car at the stop-sign, I almost ran into it, it was a red Volvo I think, but I'm not very sure, it was at night, it was hard to see
D-Did you recognize the vehicle model?
T-Absolutely not but it looked like an old model
P-Thank you, that's very helpful, have you seen anyone?
Y-Yes, I saw a man, accosted at(ne convient pas) this field, I thought he had stopped because he had an urge(ne se dit pas)
D-Did you see anything else, like the licence plate of the vehicle, or anything specific about this man?
T-No I couldn't see the number plate, it all happened very quickly, but I think I saw a tattoo on the(mettez un adjectif possessif) forearm, but I'm not sure at all
W-What time, was it?
T-It must have been 00h-01h(écriture à la française, élaborez : entre minuite et une heure) I think
W-What were you doing here at this time?
T-I was coming back from my job, I'm a restaurateur (mot français) at the Snowshill Arms
P-All right, thank you for your testimony, don't hesitate to contact us if anything comes to mind.
N-No worries, goodbye.
G-Goodbye.
2ᵉ testimonial(confusion avec testimony) of the manager of the Oat Hill Coach House:
P-Hello Mrs Oover
T-Hello, Sir
Y-You called us after the article in the Snowshill Times, right ?
Y-Yes, that's right, I called you because on the night of the murder, a man was sleeping in the hotel, but this person was bothering me a little, he was worrying me.
W-Why is that?
T-Because he already arrived very late, (ça sent le français traduit : déjà il est arrivé très tard, mais ce déjà a le sens de tout d'abord) in the area there are few people, we are a small village, this person was not working in the area, and he could not stay in place(français traduit) he seemed stressed.
So he slept in your hotel?
T-Yes he took room 16 I think, one of the cheapest ones by the way.
D-Do you have anything to provide us with his identity?
Y-Yes, I can bring it back to you if you want./if you like.
P-please yes(inversez) that would help us a lot! Oh yes, and lastly, did this client have a tattoo on his arm?
T-It seems to me yes,(français traduit, on dirait I think he had) if I'm not mistaken
P-Thank you very much for your testimony, goodbye and have a nice day.
T-That's a pleasure, thank you. Have a nice day too.
COVER PAGES
EDMOND Jule
Born on 15/06/79
Discovered deceased on 19/11/11
Current date: 20/11/11, 17:36, Denmark Road Funeral Services
Naughty Yün forensic doctor
SURVEY DATA
For the investigation we then have the discovery of the body yesterday, by a resident who passed by,
testimonies were taken and a profile of the killer could be determined.
According to the police, there was a possible stabbing, but they could see that the victim had bruises on his neck.
The victim had no particular health concerns, a broken leg in 2005, allergic to aspirin.
RADIOLOGICAL EXAMINATIONS
We took an X-ray of the neck, on which it can be seen that the man was indeed strangled.
But also multiple x-rays on of the hips and wrists and one on of the skull.
EXTERNAL EXAMINATIONS
From the X-ray examinations, it appears that the victim died of strangulation.
She would have died of asphyxiation. (pourquoi ce conditionnel de doute: la victime est morte étranglée. Elle serait morte d'asphyxie ne fait pas sérieux)
However, it was noticed that the victim had some trauma on his body.
First of all, the X-rays showed that the pelvis was fractured several times, but there were also micro fractures in the wrists.
After these examinations, it was concluded that the victim had been transported in the boot of a car while being tied up, which surely caused all these fractures. (peu crédible. Pour se fracturer des poignets liés, il faut y aller !)
As for the blood pool, it appears that the assailant stabbed the victim in the right flank below the armpit, but this apparently did not cause death.
AUTOPSY
Crane : en anglais, c'est une grue ! skull.
scalp: haematoma
Cranial vault: no fractures or haematomas
Base of the skull: haematoma
Examinations of the organs of the chest
Right and left lungs
-550g for the left lung and 400g for the right lung
No oedema
Perforation of the right lung
Neck and facial examination
No fractures or trauma to the face
Mouth: no trauma to the lip
Fractured hyoid bone
Carotid artery in poor condition
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