RYB/Let's suggest 11

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RYB/Let's suggest 11
Message de here4u posté le 27-03-2022 à 22:31:55 (S | E | F)
Hello, dear Workers!

Voici un nouvel exercice d'expression ... Espérons que vous allez vous y risquer ... N'ayez pas peur de vous tromper, ou de faire des fautes. Les fautes nous sont utiles, puisqu'elles permettent de faire des corrections et de donner des explications ... Paradoxalement, faire une faute est la meilleure chose qui puisse NOUS arriver ! Merci à ceux qui en font !
N'ayez pas de scrupules, vous ne serez pas jugés, mais simplement guidés et aidés ...
C'est en pratiquant, encore et souvent, que les progrès viendront ! N'hésitez donc pas à participer, pour la correction des expressions de vos co-workers, comme pour l'écriture de votre propre expression si vous le désirez ...

Voici le rappel des modalités de la première partie de l'exercice :
1. Je vous demande une EXPRESSION sur le sujet proposé (un sujet unique par exercice) à m’envoyer en mp dès que possible … (=> 130 - 150 mots au maximum.)

2. Le plus tôt possible, une première expression est publiée sur le Forum, et CHACUN est libre de « corriger » UNE FOIS ( en collant le texte et indiquant les erreurs EN BLEU, et en soulignant ce qui vous semble maladroit et que vous voudriez changer, sans donner la « correction » (forme correcte), comme il se doit.) Un seul devoir à la fois sera publié pour corriger…
Les modalités entières sont accessibles : Lien internet

( Je vous les rappellerai au fur et à mesure de la progression du travail )

Cet exercice sera ... ce que vous en ferez, ou Correction en ligne le dimanche 10 avril 2022.
Voici le nouveau sujet !

"Would you consider ambition as a quality?" (130 - 150 mots au maximum.)

May THE FORCE be with You (with all of you! ) Everybody's welcome! Do not hesitate to write!

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de here4u, postée le 29-03-2022 à 11:10:08 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Here is the first text from one of your co-writers! Your mission is to help!

EXPRESSION N°1:

Certainly, you need to have some ambition to achieve the goals you have set, to make plans, to realise them. It is not necessary to have an excessive ambition that crushes everyone, but at least the ambition to succeed in one's life, to serve something, the ambition to be useful to others. Otherwise what would be the point of life .... If we are content to sit back, in a comtemplative life, without moving.... I think that everyone is on earth to find their place, to improve their lot or to support the less well off who need help.
There are beautiful ambitions that push us to give the best of ourselves but also crazy ambitions that destroy everything.
We must not make a mistake with our ambitions. 128 mots

Please, indicate the possible mistakes in blue, and underline what you think is clumsy. for your help!

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de maxwell, postée le 30-03-2022 à 18:15:02 (S | E)
hello!

EXPRESSION N°1:

Certainly, you need to have some ambition to achieve the goals you have set, to make plans, to realise them. It is not necessary to have an excessive ambition that crushes everyone, but at least the ambition to succeed in one's life, to serve something, the ambition to be useful to others. Otherwise what would be the point of life .... If we are content to sit back, in a comtemplative life, without moving.... (la phrase semble inachevée?) I think that everyone is on earth(majuscule) to find their place, to improve their lot or to support the less well off who need help.
There are beautiful ambitions that push us to give the best of ourselves but also crazy ambitions that destroy everything.
We must not make a mistake with our ambitions. 128 mots

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de here4u, postée le 03-04-2022 à 10:24:40 (S | E)
Hello!

Green allowed concerning EXPRESSION N°1.

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de magie8, postée le 04-04-2022 à 01:54:00 (S | E)
EXPRESSION N°1:

Certainly, you need to have some ambition to achieve the goals you have set, to make plans, to realise them. It is not necessary to have an excessive ambition that crushes everyone, but at least the ambition to succeed in one's life, to serve something, the ambition to be useful to others. Otherwise what would be the point of life .... If we are content to sit back, in a comtemplative life, without moving, and without a wish.... I think that everyone is on Earth to find their place, to improve their lot or to support the less well off who need help.
There are beautiful ambitions that push us to give the best of ourselves but also crazy ambitions that destroy everything.
We must stave off the wrong ambition. 128 mots

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de here4u, postée le 04-04-2022 à 09:11:51 (S | E)
Hello Magie!

I know the difficulties you have to get online... a lot for your efforts, but please , don't forget to sleep!

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de maxwell, postée le 04-04-2022 à 20:55:26 (S | E)
hello!

EXPRESSION N°1:

Certainly, you need to have some ambition to achieve the goals you have set, to make plans, to realise them. It is not necessary to have an excessive ambition that crushes everyone, but at least the ambition to succeed in life, to serve something, the ambition to be useful to others. Otherwise what would be the point of life? If you are content to sit back, in a comtemplative life, without moving, life just slips through your fingers, doesn't it? I think that everyone is on Earth to find their place, to improve their lot or to support the less well off who need help.
There are beautiful ambitions that push us to give the best of ourselves but also crazy ambitions that destroy everything.
We must not make a mistake of ambition. 128 mots

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de here4u, postée le 06-04-2022 à 09:27:16 (S | E)
Hello, dear workers!

EXPRESSION N°1: ready for final suggestions:

Certainly, you need to have some ambition to achieve the goals you have set, to make plans, to realise them. It is not necessary to have an excessive ambition that crushes everyone, but at least the ambition to succeed in life, to serve something, the ambition to be useful to others. Otherwise what would be the point of life? If you are content to sit back, in a comtemplative life, and without a wish..../ without moving, life just slips through your fingers, doesn't it? I think that everyone is on Earth to find their place, to improve their lot or to support the less well off who need help.
There are beautiful ambitions that push us to give the best of ourselves but also crazy ambitions that destroy everything.
We must stave off the wrong ambition./ We must not make a mistake of ambition. 128 mots

EXPRESSION N°2:

People without ambition may be said to be boring and lazy. They are sometimes thought to get by and not to have ideals in them.
Ambition is a catalyst for action that helps to surpass oneself and fulfil oneself. It's a quality when the intention is to make progress, achieve great things to build a brighter future for everyone.
As Jules Renard wrote: "Dream of great things, at least, you will be able to achieve small ones."
On the other hand, ambition becomes harmful when it tends to crush others. Ambitious people who pursue power avidly, who impose their will on others without their acceptance may be considered dictators. In not-so-ancient history, the immoderate ambitions of heads of state led millions of people to death and millions of other people to exodus. With overinflated egos, they selfishly acted for their own personal glorification. (146)

Please, indicate the possible mistakes in blue, and underline what you think is clumsy. for your help!

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de magie8, postée le 06-04-2022 à 22:26:14 (S | E)
EXPRESSION N°1: ready for final suggestions:

Certainly, you need to have some ambition to achieve the goals you have set, to make plans, to realise them. It is not necessary to have an excessive detrimental ambition, but at least the ambition to succeed in life, serving a purpose , the ambition to be useful to others. Otherwise what would be the point of life? If you are content to sit back, in a contemplative life, and without a wish..../ without moving, life just slips through your fingers, doesn't it? I think that everyone is on Earth to find their place, to improve their lot or to support the less well off who need help.
There are beautiful ambitions that push us to give the best of ourselves but also crazy ambitions that destroy everything.
We must keep a reasonable ambition./ . 128 mots

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de here4u, postée le 06-04-2022 à 22:32:21 (S | E)

I was expecting help for EXPRESSION N°2 now...

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de roselyne, postée le 08-04-2022 à 16:26:42 (S | E)
Hello Dear,

EXPRESSION N°1: ready for final suggestions:

Certainly, you need to have some ambition to achieve the goals you have set, to make plans and realize them. It is not necessary to have an excessive detrimental ambition, but at least the ambition to succeed in life, serving a purpose , the ambition to be useful to others. Otherwise, what would be the point of life, if you are content to sit back, in a contemplative life, and without a wish? Without moving, life just slips through your fingers, doesn't it? I think that everyone is on Earth to find their place, to improve their lot or to support the less well-off who need help.
There are beautiful ambitions that push us to give the best of ourselves but also crazy ambitions that destroy everything.
We must keep a reasonable ambition./ . 128 mots

Bonjour here4u, c'est la 1ère fois que j'essaie de faire cet exercice, mais je ne sais pas si j'ai bien fait?

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de roselyne, postée le 08-04-2022 à 16:49:41 (S | E)
Hello Dears,

EXPRESSION N°2:

People without ambition may be said to be boring and lazy. They are sometimes thought to get by and not to have ideals in them.
Ambition is a catalyst for action that helps to surpass oneself and fulfil oneself. It's a quality when the intention is to make progress and achieve great things to build a brighter future for everyone.
As Jules Renard wrote: "Dream of great things, at least, you will be able to achieve small ones."
On the other hand, ambition becomes harmful when it tends to crush others. Ambitious people who pursue power avidly and who impose their will on others without their acceptance may be considered dictators. In the not-so-ancient history, the immoderate ambitions of Heads of State led millions of people to death and millions of others people to exodus. With overinflated egos, they selfishly acted for their own personal glory. (146)

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de here4u, postée le 09-04-2022 à 08:41:51 (S | E)
hello dears!

Merci de vos travaux. et BRAVO de vos efforts ;

ATTENTION, il est important de n'avoir qu'un seul texte (une seule EXPRESSION) en correction en même temps (Là, nous en sommes à l'EXPRESSION N°2!) .
La mention "ready for final suggestions" signifie que le texte ne peut plus être amendé avant "les suggestions finales", nourries de VOS aides et publiées à la date annoncée.
Vous pouvez ENSUITE encore améliorer le texte proposé dans le Follow up Work libre qui suit les suggestions communes.

Green allowed for EXPRESSION N°2.
(L'EXPRESSION N°3 sera en ligne ce soir;) Go on doing well.

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de here4u, postée le 09-04-2022 à 22:59:28 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION N°2: ready for final suggestions:

People without ambition may be said to be boring and lazy. They are sometimes thought to get by and not to have ideals in them. (not clear ? contradiction in the two segments ?)
Ambition is a catalyst for action that helps to surpass oneself and fulfil oneself. It's a quality when the intention is to make progress, achieve great things to build a brighter future for everyone.
As Jules Renard wrote: "Dream of great things, at least, you will be able to achieve small ones."
On the other hand, ambition becomes harmful when it tends to crush others. Ambitious people who pursue power avidly, who impose their will on others without their acceptance may be considered dictators. In not-so-ancient history, the immoderate ambitions of heads of state led millions of people to death and millions of other people to exodus. With (overinflated egos, they selfishly acted for their own personal glorification. (146) TTB

EXPRESSION N°3:

We know very celebreted people who had won thanks to their important ambition and therefore, may conclude that it’s a necessary attitude. To be ambitious needs self confidence and self love. When you’re ambitious, you think you have things to offer, you are in a way a model to imitate and follow. When you see the number of totaly unknown influencers on the social networks you understand that excessive ambition may be problematic. These people are self declaring « specialists » of a field or exposed any idea without method and no knowledge.It gives them an importance. If you have a little critical mind, read them or hear them is a torture and you wander how people can « reason » so stupidly, and how they can seriously think they deserve their « followers » (or mindless sheep…). Ambition is a mean to get to your well-defining (or not) goal, it must be reasonably measured. Not everybody can be leader. 143 words

Les deux étapes d'aide pourront être faites par le même post en deux copies distinctes du texte : la première avec les erreurs possibles mises en bleu, et les maladresses soulignées. La seconde donnera vos suggestions en vert.

Nos suggestions seront récapitulées demain soir.

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de maxwell, postée le 10-04-2022 à 07:54:55 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION N°3:

We know very celebreted people who had won thanks to their important ambition and therefore, may conclude that it’s a necessary attitude. To be ambitious needs self confidence and self love. When you’re ambitious, you think you have things to offer, you are in a way a model to imitate and follow. (mérite un mot de liaison d'opposition) When you see the number of totaly unknown influencers on the social networks(punctuation) you understand that excessive ambition may be problematic. These people are self declaring « specialists » of a field or exposed pourquoi d'un seul coup le passé ?any idea without method and no knowledge.It gives them an importance. If you have a little critical mind, read them or hear them is a torture and you wander how people can « reason » so stupidly, and how they can seriously think they deserve their « followers » (or mindless sheep…). (ça mérite de changer de paragraphe) Ambition is a mean to get to your well-defining (or not) goal, it must be reasonably measured. Not everybody can be XXX leader. 143 words

Suggestions:
We know very famous people who had won thanks to their important ambition and therefore, we may conclude that it’s a necessary attitude. Being ambitious needs self-confidence and self-love. When you’re ambitious, you think you have things to offer, you are in a way a model to imitate and follow.

However, when you see the number of totally unknown influencers on the social networks, you understand that excessive ambition may be problematic. These people claim to be « specialists » in a field, yet they expose any idea without method or knowledge. It gives them importance. If you have a little critical mind, reading them or hearing them is a torture and you wonder how people can « reason » so stupidly, and how they can seriously think they deserve their « followers » (or mindless sheep…).

Ambition is a means to get your goal achieved, be it well-defined or not. It must be reasonably measured. Not everybody can be a leader... 143 words

typo : celebrated . Et j'ai remplacé par famous car il me semble plus naturellement utilisé
trait d'union à self-confidence, self-love

a means, a way = un moyen

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de here4u, postée le 10-04-2022 à 23:49:25 (S | E)
Hello dear writers and "correctors"!

Voici la récapitulation de toutes vos suggestions - et des miennes ...

EXPRESSION N°1:

Certainly, you need to have some ambition to achieve the goals you have set, to make plans, to realise them. It is not necessary to have (an excessive ambition that crushes everyone, but at least the ambition to succeed in one's life, to serve something, the ambition to be useful to others. (phrase maladroite)Otherwise what would be the point of life (.... If we are content to sit back, in a comtemplative life, without moving....Phrase inachevée ? I think that everyone is on earth to find their place, to improve their lot or to support the less well off who need help.
There are beautiful ambitions that push us to give the best of ourselves but also crazy ambitions that destroy everything.
We must not make a mistake with our ambitions. 128 mots

EXPRESSION N°1: ready for final suggestions:

Certainly, you need to have some ambition to achieve the goals you have set(1), to make plans, to realise them.(2) It is not necessary to have an excessive ambition that crushes everyone,(3) but at least the ambition to succeed in life, to serve something, the ambition to be useful to others. Otherwise what would be the point of life? If you are content to sit back, in a contemplative life, and without a wish..../ without moving, life just slips through your fingers, doesn't it? I think that everyone is on Earth to find their place, to improve their lot or to support the less well-off who need help.
There are beautiful ambitions that push us to give the best of ourselves but also crazy ambitions that destroy everything.
We must stave off the wrong ambition./ We must not make a mistake of ambition. 128 mots

(1) To set a target/ to set a goal/
(2) Rappel : realise: // realize:
(3) necessary to have an excessive ambition that crushes everyone, : me gêne par sa maladresse.
(4) to serve something ? maladroit et obscur.
- on entend "less well-off countries / regions/ provinces" … mais «less well-off people» me gêne… (people with the least money ?/ the less wealthy people ?/ ou passer par le comparatif/ superlatif de supériorité avec adjectif négatif – poorest- more/ most destitute.../
Cette expression ne comporte pas de grosses fautes, mais « sent » le texte traduit du français à l’anglais (pensé en français !)… avec des formulations qui ne seraient pas naturelles chez un native … Dommage ! magie pour les suggestions !

EXPRESSION N°2: ready for final suggestions:

People without ambition may be said to be boring and lazy. They are sometimes thought to get by and not to have ideals in them. (not clear ? contradiction in the two segments?)
Ambition is a catalyst for action that helps to surpass oneself and fulfil oneself. It's a quality when the intention is to make progress, achieve great things to build a brighter future for everyone.
As Jules Renard wrote: "Dream of great things, at least, you will be able to achieve small ones."
On the other hand, ambition becomes harmful when it tends to crush others. Ambitious people who pursue power avidly, who impose their will on others without their acceptance may be considered dictators. In not-so-ancient history, the immoderate ambitions of heads of state led millions of people to death and millions of other people to exodus. With (overinflated egos, they selfishly acted for their own personal glorification. (146) TTB

- may be said to be boring and lazy : passif OK. mais il y a moyen d'être plus naturel ...
- "... sometimes thought to get by and not to have ideals in them". Pas très clair. Eclaircir ce qui peut sembler être une contradiction …
- fulfil: / fulfill:
- overinflated egos: imagé mais pas courant ! "overinflated tyres / lungs/ credentials"// plutôt : "oversized egos/ inflated egos" (ce qui semble déjà "énorme" ! /
aussi roselyne pour les suggestions.

EXPRESSION N°3:

We know very celeb(reted people who (had (1)won thanks to their important ambition and therefore, XX may conclude that it’s a necessary attitude. (To be: pour être ! gérondif nécessaire.) (2)ambitious needs (self confidence and (self love. When you’re ambitious, you think you have things to offer, (voir ponctuation) you are in a way a model to imitate and follow. (link word?[Yes, Max! Well done!])When you see the number of (totaly unknown influencers on( the) social networks (punctuation) you understand that excessive ambition may be problematic. These people are (self (declaring «specialists» (of a field or (exposed (temps ?) an(y idea without method and (no (3)knowledge.It gives them (an importance. If you have a little critical mind *, (read them or hear them (4)is a torture and you (wander how people can «reason» so stupidly, and how they can seriously think they deserve their «followers» (or mindless sheep…). (ça mérite de changer de paragraphe) Ambition is (a mean(6) to get to your well-(defining (or not) goal, it must be reasonably measured. Not everybody can be (leader. 143

EXPRESSION N°3: ready for final suggestions:

We know very famous people who had won thanks to their important ambition and therefore, we may conclude that it’s a necessary attitude. Being ambitious needs self-confidence and self-love. When you’re ambitious, you think you have things to offer, you are punc. in a way x a model to imitate and follow.
However, when you see the number of totally unknown influencers on the social networks, you understand that excessive ambition may be problematic. These people claim to be «specialists» in a field, yet they expose any idea without method or knowledge. It gives them importance. If you *have a little critical mind, reading them or hearing them is a torture and you wonder how people can «reason» so stupidly, and how they can seriously think they deserve their «followers» (or mindless sheep…).
Ambition is a means to get your goal achieved, be it well-defined or not. It must be reasonably measured. Not everybody can be a leader... 143 words

(1) Temps ? pourquoi ce past perfect ?
(2) «being ambitious is…» ???
(3) ~~«Without no»~~ est impossible= double négation. Revoir la construction.
* Lien internet

(4) : le fait de les lire ou de les écouter=> gérondif nécessaire.
(5) Confusion du verbe.(wander : errer sans but)
(6) Un moyen : ?
Des idées originales. Attention à la confusion adjectifs composés en –ed // en -ing : AB.
Lien internet

- very well-known/ or simpler: «very famous people»
- «celebreted»: typo : celebrated: remplacé par «famous/ well-known» car semble plus naturellement utilisé
- trait d'union à self-confidence, self-love
- a means/ a way = un moyen
TB correction, Maxwell ! Bravo.

Bravo! peu de fautes, cette fois ... et encore, elles sont classiques et sans réelle gravité !
Cette fois encore, vous avez le droit ( ) de reprendre tout ou partie du travail de cette session, en un Follow Up Work personnel. I give you the FORCE again!

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de maxwell, postée le 15-04-2022 à 07:30:04 (S | E)
READY TO BE CORRECTED

Hello Here4U

Expression 1:
(3) To have an excessive ambition that could be detrimental to others
the ambition to succeed in life, to serve a cause

We must not be mistaken in our ambition

Dans l'expression 2, je pensais get by dans le sens : vivoter : scrape by
Je n'ai pas compris pourquoi tu as souligné fulfil (ortographié avec un seul l, qui est britannique) ?
Je n'ai pas compris pourquoi tu as souligné : to make progress, achieve great things
Je n'ai pas compris pourquoi tu as souligné : who impose their will on others without their acceptance may be considered to be dictators

Dans l'expression 3, je n'ai pas compris pourquoi tu as souligné cette partie : 'Ambition is a means to get your goal achieved, be it well-defined or not

Je n'ai pas compris pourquoi "have a critical mind" n'est pas bon ? (ou en tout cas moins bon que think critically)
Lien internet

Réponse : RYB/Let's suggest 11 de here4u, postée le 18-04-2022 à 13:32:06 (S | E)
Hello!

Tu t'en( / m'en ) poses des questions ... et tu ne comprends rien à rien (Kidding, of course!) Voyons ...

(3) To have an excessive ambition that could be detrimental to others
the ambition to succeed in life, to serve a cause

We must not be mistaken in our ambition Je crois que dire "to have excessive ambition could be detrimental to others" serait moins maladroit en ce que tu ne déterminerais pas cette ambition qui est préjudiciable dans tous les cas ...
Ensuite tes suggestions ont OK.

Dans l'expression 2, je pensais get by dans le sens : vivoter : scrape by
Je n'ai pas compris pourquoi tu as souligné fulfil (orthographié avec un seul l, qui est britannique) ?
Je n'ai pas compris pourquoi tu as souligné : to make progress, achieve great things
Je n'ai pas compris pourquoi (alors, CHERCHE ! "souligner", veut dire que ça me "chatouille l'esprit ou l'oreille ...", pas que c'est faux !) ) tu as souligné : who impose their will on others without their acceptance may be considered to be dictators

D'accord pour le sens de "get by"!
Définitions proposées par les Oxford Languages · En savoir plus
get by
verbe à particule issu de "get"
manage with difficulty to live or accomplish something.
"he had just enough money to get by"
Synonymes :manage/cope/ survive/ exist/ subsist

mais si tu écris "thought to get by and not to have ideals in them." (not clear ? contradiction in the two segments?) je persiste à dire qu'à la lecture, on a l'impression que tu sous-entends que si on "get by", on ne peut pas avoir d'idéaux ... et ça me gêne vraiment ! Eh bien oui ... je ne vois pas pourquoi quelqu'un qui a des difficultés à "survivre" ne pourrait pas avoir d'idéaux !

* fulfil: fulfill je l'ai souligné, juste pour attirer l'attention sur la note qui allait suivre (ou comme je disais autrefois, "pour faire parler les bavards" ... et ça a marché !"

* "Je n'ai pas compris pourquoi tu as souligné : to make progress, achieve great things"
Euh ! "to make progress" tout court m'a gênée ... (C'est mon droit, non ... ) j'attendais "to make progress on .... ' qui aurait clarifié le propos ...

Dans l'expression 3, je n'ai pas compris pourquoi tu as souligné cette partie : 'Ambition is a means to get your goal achieved, be it well-defined or not

"to get your goal achieved" est très maladroit et symptomatique d'une pensée traduite. "To achieve your goal" is clear enough!

Je n'ai pas compris pourquoi "have a critical mind" n'est pas bon ? (ou en tout cas moins bon que think critically)
Lien internet
avoir l’esprit critique

Ne te triture pas l'esprit ... Il y a ce qui se dit, ce qui ne se dit pas, ou se dit rarement, (en fonction des personnes à qui tu parles ...)! Ne t'interdis pas la spontanéité et de dire ce que tu as envie de dire, même si, ensuite, tu dois t'expliquer ! It's part of the game ! Parler, c'est s'exprimer ET communiquer ... du moment que ça marche, ton but est atteint !

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