Let's suggest/14

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Let's suggest/14
Message de here4u posté le 11-05-2022 à 11:59:16 (S | E | F)
Hello, dear Workers!

C'est reparti ! Voici un nouvel exercice d'expression ... Espérons que vous allez vous y risquer ...
Je vous en prie ... Osez participer ! N'ayez pas peur de vous tromper, de faire des fautes, ou d'écrire "hors sujet". Les fautes nous sont utiles, puisqu'elles permettent de réfléchir, de faire des corrections et de donner des explications ...
Paradoxalement, faire une faute est la meilleure chose qui puisse NOUS arriver, à vous, comme à moi ! Merci à ceux qui en font !
N'ayez pas de scrupules, vous ne serez pas jugés, mais simplement guidés et aidés ...
C'est en pratiquant, encore et souvent, que les progrès viendront ! N'hésitez donc pas à intervenir, pour la correction des expressions de vos co-workers, comme pour l'écriture de votre propre expression si vous le désirez ... (Vous pouvez aussi - et certains ne s'en privent presque pas ...) écrire sur le "mode de la conversation", comme vous "parleriez" !)

Voici le rappel des modalités de la première partie de l'exercice :
1. Je vous demande une EXPRESSION sur le sujet proposé (un sujet unique par exercice) à m’envoyer en mp dès que possible … (=> 130 - 150 mots au maximum.)

2. Le plus tôt possible, une première expression est publiée sur le Forum, et CHACUN est libre de « corriger » UNE FOIS ( en collant le texte et indiquant les erreurs EN BLEU, et en soulignant ce qui vous semble maladroit et que vous voudriez changer, sans donner la « correction » (forme correcte), comme il se doit.) Un seul devoir à la fois sera publié pour corriger…

Les modalités complètes sont accessibles :
Lien internet

( Je vous les rappellerai au fur et à mesure de la progression du travail )
Cet exercice sera ... ce que vous en ferez, ou Correction en ligne le jeudi 26 mai 2022.
Voici le nouveau sujet !

"What do you think of the Internet as a way to make friends?" (130 - 150 mots au maximum.)

May THE FORCE be with You (with all of you! ) Everybody's welcome! Do not hesitate to write!

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de here4u, postée le 14-05-2022 à 17:05:06 (S | E)
Hello, dear workers!

"What do you think of the Internet as a way to make friends?" (130 - 150 mots au maximum.)

EXPRESSION N°1: you may indicate possible mistakes in blue and underline what you think is clumsy!

The internet makes it easier for us to get in touch with people who have the same interests as us. It broadens our horizons: we can know interesting people we may have never met otherwise. It can really help shy persons to make the first move...
However, ill-intentioned internet users can make a good impression while chatting with them whereas they expect something else than friendship. As long as you've not been rubbing shoulders with someone for long enough, I don't think you really know them.
That's why we should use the internet carefully, remaining anonymous as long as possible. When we've finally decided to meet each other, we should keep a clear head and not let ourselves get involved in unwanted situations. That way, we can make the most of the internet to make friends. (141 words)

to the writer and to all the potential readers of this text. Please, step in TO HELP.

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de here4u, postée le 17-05-2022 à 10:18:47 (S | E)
Hello!

Everyone must be sheltering from the heat...
Green allowed. The following try will be posted tonight or tomorrow morning.

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de here4u, postée le 18-05-2022 à 09:06:58 (S | E)
Hello dear workers,

EXPRESSION N°1: ready to receive final suggestions:

The internet makes it easier for us to get in touch with people who have the same interests as us. It broadens our horizons: we can know interesting people we may have never met otherwise. It can really help shy persons to make the first move...
However, ill-intentioned internet users can make a good impression while chatting with them whereas they expect something else than friendship. As long as you've not been rubbing shoulders with someone for long enough, I don't think you really know them.
That's why we should use the internet carefully, remaining anonymous as long as possible. When we've finally decided to meet each other, we should keep a clear head and not let ourselves get involved in unwanted situations. That way, we can make the most of the internet to make friends. (141 words)

EXPRESSION N°2: you may indicate possible mistakes in blue and underline what you think is clumsy!

« To make friends » : if you want to say, to write, to chat, to talk or to chatter about subjects, and to ; exchange ideas, it’s OK. The internet in this case is a way to break insulation and to abble people who cannot go out or to travel to « meet » people. In fact, people must be conscious that on the other end the « future friend » lies very certainly. There are many ways to lie : you can enbroider you’re ugly reality, you can omit to say things, you can invent a figure, and after, tell lie after lie to build a real story. People ; have dreams and of immagination …
Nevertheless, « to make girl-friend/ or boyfriend » is more delicate again … You should be distrustful and not to be vulnerable because people 130 often have unavowed or same shameful and dishonest goals : they can take advantage of naive people and extort money or sexual favors from credulous peoples. 155

for your help!

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de maxwell, postée le 18-05-2022 à 20:23:53 (S | E)
Hello!
EXPRESSION 2:
« To make friends » : if you want to say, to write, to chat, to talk or to chatter about subjects, and to ; (punctuation)exchange ideas, it’s OK. The internet in this case is a way to break insulation (I didn't know that! ) and to abble people who cannot go out or to travel to « meet » people. In fact, people must be conscious that on the other end the « future friend » lies very certainly. There are many ways to lie : you can enbroider you’re ugly reality, you can omit to say things, you can invent a figure, and after, tell lie after lie to build a real story. People ; (punctuation)have dreams and of immagination …
Nevertheless, « to make girl-friend/ or boyfriend » is more delicate again … You should be distrustful and not to be vulnerable because people 130 often have unavowed or same shameful and dishonest goals : they can take advantage of naive people and extort money or sexual favors from credulous peoples. 155

J'aurais reformulé plusieurs choses autrement

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de here4u, postée le 22-05-2022 à 16:01:22 (S | E)
Hello !
Green allowed, of course !

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de maxwell, postée le 22-05-2022 à 20:14:15 (S | E)
Hello!
EXPRESSION 2:

If you want to write to penpals, chatter with people about subjects to exchange ideas, then making friends on the internet is OK. The internet in this case is a way to break isolation and to enable those who cannot go out or travel to « meet » people. In fact, people must be conscious that on the other end, the « future friend » may be a liar. There are many ways to lie: you can embroider your ugly reality, you can omit to say things, you can invent a figure, and afterwards, tell lie after lie to build an apparently real story. People have dreams(*) and imagination…
Nevertheless, «making a girlfriend or a boyfriend » is even more delicate… You should be distrustful and not vulnerable because people often have unavowed or even shameful dishonest goals: they can take advantage of naive people and extort money or sexual favors from credulous ones. 155

La première phrase comportait des répétitions => j'ai allégé
"lies very certainly" m'a semblé excessif
(*) je ne suis pas sûr d'avoir compris "dreams"

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de here4u, postée le 24-05-2022 à 15:35:38 (S | E)
Hello dears!

EXPRESSION 2: ready to receive final suggestions:

If you want to write to penpals, chatter with people about subjects to exchange ideas, then making friends on the internet is OK. The internet in this case is a way to break isolation and to enable those who cannot go out or travel to « meet » people. In fact, people must be conscious that on the other end, the « future friend » may be a liar. There are many ways to lie: you can embroider your ugly reality, you can omit to say things, you can invent a figure, and afterwards, tell lie after lie to build an apparently real story. People have dreams(*) and imagination…
Nevertheless, «making a girlfriend or a boyfriend » is even more delicate… You should be distrustful and not vulnerable because people often have unavowed or even shameful dishonest goals: they can take advantage of naive people and extort money or sexual favors from credulous ones. 155 words.

EXPRESSION N°3: you may indicate possible mistakes in blue and underline what you think is clumsy!

Make friends on the internet is of course a very common action now, especially during the confinement that lasted too long. The people were isolated and depressed, and needed contacts, at all price.
When you wrote to « friends » and received news of them, you did not feel you alone. You can even influence people (who have no private ideas) and impose your ideas to them.
I don’t think « the friendship » on the internet is the real friendship, and not even « a friendship » at all. It’s just a manner to answer to solitude and a void. It’s a way to lie yourself, because when you read the posts and reply, you convinced yourself that other people are interested by what you think and write. It’s a manner to give people importance because they are too lazy, or reticent to do something, really.
It’s a big lie ; 148 words.

Thanks for your future help!

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de maxwell, postée le 24-05-2022 à 20:32:27 (S | E)
Hello!
EXPRESSION N°3:

Make friends on the internet is of course a very common action now, especially during the confinement that lasted too long (problème de temps). The people were isolated and depressed, and needed contacts, at all price.(un peu trop de virgules ici)
When you wrote to « friends » and received news of them, you did not feel you aloneXXX. (ici on change brusquement de contexte, passant du temps passé à une généralité au présent => mérite un mot de liaison fort. Ou alors, le prétérit n'était pas justifié) You can even influence people (who have no private ideas) and impose your ideas to them.
(Mérite un mot de liaison) I don’t think « the friendship » on the internet is the real friendship, and not even « a friendship » at all. It’s just a manner to answer to solitude and a void. It’s a way to lie XXX yourself, because when you read the posts and reply, you convinced yourself that other people are interested by what you think and write. It’s a manner to give people importance because they are too lazy, or reticent to do something, really.
It’s a big lie ; (ponctuation) 148 words.

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de here4u, postée le 25-05-2022 à 21:01:44 (S | E)
Hello!

Green allowed! Go and Help!

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de maxwell, postée le 26-05-2022 à 21:00:25 (S | E)
Hello!
EXPRESSION N°3:

Making friends on the internet has of course become a very common action, especially during the lockdown that lasted too long: people were isolated and depressed, they needed contacts at any price.
Undoubtedly, when you write to « friends » and receive news of them, you don't feel alone any longer. You can even influence people (who have no personal ideas) and impose your ideas on them.

However, I don’t think «friendship» on the internet is real friendship, not even «friendship» at all. It’s just a manner to answer solitude and fill a void. In addition, it’s a way of deluding yourself because when you read the posts and reply, you convince yourself that other people are interested in what you think or write. It’s a way for those who are too lazy or unwilling to do something in real life, to think they are important.
Therefore, it’s a big lie. 148 words.

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de here4u, postée le 26-05-2022 à 23:07:36 (S | E)
Hello dear workers!

Voici la CORRECTION de nos trois EXPRESSIONS , résultats de vos réflexions ... !

EXPRESSION N°1:

The internet makes it easier for us to get in touch with people who have the same interests as us. It broadens our horizons: we can know interesting people we may have never met otherwise. It can really help shy persons to make the first move...
However, ill-intentioned internet users can make a good impression while chatting with them whereas they expect something else than friendship (should be explicited!). As long as (you've not been rubbing shoulders with someone B for long enough, I don't think you really know them.
That's why we should use the internet carefully, remaining anonymous as long as possible. When we've finally decided to meet (each other), we should keep a clear head and not let ourselves get involved in unwanted situations. That way, we can make the most of the internet to make friends. (141 words)

BRAVO ! Très peu de choses à « critiquer » dans cette expression !

- The same … as/ not the same… as
- Revoir as + proposition et Like+ nom ou pronom.
- "while chatting with them": ambiguous.
- Whereas : emploi du mauvais mot de liaison.
- as (you've not been rubbing : mauvaise contraction.
- To meet= se rencontrer.
- Lien internet

Lien internet
Ces deux liens parce que j'ai été gênée par "the internet" sans majuscule. On dirait que l'orthodoxie évolue ... et que la majuscule est devenue un Américanisme ...

EXPRESSION N°2:

(« To make friends » : if you want to say(voc), (to write, (to chat, (to talk or (to chatter about (subjects, and (to ; exchange ideas, it’s OK. The internet in this case is a way to break (insulation and to (abble people who cannot go out or (to travel to «meet» people. In fact, people must be conscious that on the other end (ambiguous) the "future friend" (lies very certainly. There are many ways to lie: you can (enbroider (you’re ugly reality, you can omit to say things, you can invent a (figure, and (after, tell lie after lie to build a real story. People (; have dreams and (of (immagination …
Nevertheless, (« to make girl-friend/ or boyfriend » is (more delicate again … You should (be distrustful and not (to be vulnerable because people often have unavowed or (same shameful and dishonest goals: they can take advantage of naive people and extort money or sexual favors from credulous (peoples. 155

EXPRESSION 2: ready to receive final suggestions:

If you want to write to penpals, chatter with people about subjects to exchange ideas, then making friends on the internet is OK.(1) The internet in this case is a way to break (isolation B/ loneliness) and to (enable those who cannot go out (or travel to « meet » people. In fact, people must be conscious that on the other en(d, (still ambiguous)the « future friend » (may be a liar. There are many ways to lie: you can (embroider/ embellish your ugly reality, you can omit to say things, you can invent a (figure, and (afterwards OK/ then/, tell lie after lie to build an (apparently real story. People have dreams (and they want to reach them…) and (imagination…
Nevertheless, «making a girlfriend or a boyfriend» is even more delicate… You should be distrustful and (not vulnerable because people often have unavowed or even shameful dishonest goals: they can take advantage of naive people and extort money or sexual favors from credulous ones. 155 words.

- Dans cette phrase, le texte (et donc aussi le sens) a été trop changé à mon goût. On abandonne alors la "fidélité" à l’auteur … Si j’ai bien compris notre auteur voulait opposer « se faire des amis » et « se faire un petit ami » dans les deux paragraphes … C’est-à-dire, à chaque fois, il signifiait : « le fait de » …
Tout le long du texte, il ne s’agissait pas de « pour se faire des amis », mais de « se faire des amis », « le fait de se faire des amis », donc … GÉRONDIFS … de même « pour écrire, bavarder » etc. = le fait de
- Confusion «insulation»: d’un fil électrique par exemple et «isolation»: isolement. // to insulate: protéger ; Lien internet

- Un sujet de conversation : a topic
- Able : un seul B : capable de : rendre capable : to enable.
- the «future friend» (~~lies very certainly~~. : expression et ordre des mots ; « may be a liar » ne me plaît pas trop comme correction … C’est violent ! Je serais plus diplomate …
- eMbroider: broder au sens propre : ne convenait pas trop ici.
- "Figure": chiffre ou silhouette. Lien internet

- "After" suivi d’un groupe nominal ("after the holiday") ou d’un verbe en –ing ("after going to…") ; en apposition, seul : impossible.
- (more delicate again: (encore plus, délicat ?) voc et adverbe.
- NATIONALITES : On met la majuscule au substantif qui désigne un peuple, une race ou les habitants d'une région déterminée : La nationalité prend donc la majuscule : les Canadiens. les Européens. les Basques.
Lien internet

EXPRESSION N°3:

(Make friends on the internet is of course a very common action (now, especially during the confinement that lasted too long. The people were isolated and depressed, and needed contacts, (at all price.
When you wrote to « friends » and received news (of them, you did not feel you alone. You (can tps) even influence people (who have no private ideas) and impose your ideas (to them.
I don’t think « (the friendship » on the internet is (the real friendship, and not even « friendship » at all. It’s just a (manner to answer (to solitude and (a void. It’s a way to lie XX yourself, because when you read the posts and reply, you (convincedtemps ? yourself that other people are interested (by what you think and write. It’s a manner to give people importance because they are too lazy, or (reticent/ reluctant to do something, really. It’s a big lie (; 148

EXPRESSION 3: ready to receive final suggestions:

Making friends on the internet has of course become a very common action, * especially during the lockdown that lasted too long: people were isolated and depressed, they needed contacts at any price.
Undoubtedly, when you write to « friends » and receive news of them, you don't feel alone any longer. You can even influence people (who have no personal ideas) and impose your ideas on them.
However, I don’t think «friendship» on the internet is real friendship, not even «friendship» at all. It’s just a manner to answer solitude and fill a void. In addition, it’s a way of deluding yourself because when you read the posts and reply, you convince yourself that other people are interested in what you think or write. It’s a way for those who are too lazy or unwilling to do something in real life, to think they are important.
Therefore, it’s a big lie. 148 words.

Très bonne correction. Bravo.

- * L’enchaînement entre les deux idées est étrange … Besoin d’une réécriture.
- à tout prix : at any price/ at any cost/ at all costs
- imposer : to impose sth ON sby
- (the friendship » on the internet is the real friendship, considérer l’amitié dans sa généralité.
- remplir un vide : to fill in a gap/ a void/

Bravo et aux rédacteurs et aux correcteurs pour ce bon travail. Une remarque : la confusion entre to do/ doing / do (infinitif complet/ forme en -ing/ infinitif incomplet est encore trop fréquente et a besoin d'une relecture "ciblée" après chaque écriture de texte.
Comme d'habitude, vous pouvez, si vous en sentez le besoin, réécrire un FOLLOW up WORK (tout ou partie des EXPRESSIONS dont la correction ne vous semble pas encore assez claire). Vous pouvez aussi avoir envie de réécrire pour mieux vous approprier la nouvelle formulation.

Encore et !

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de maxwell, postée le 27-05-2022 à 21:08:46 (S | E)
Hello!
FOLLOW-UP WORK:

EXPRESSION N°1:

The internet makes it easier for us to get in touch with people who have the same interests as us(1). It broadens our horizons: we can know interesting people we may have never met otherwise. It can really help shy persons to make the first move...
However, while you're chatting online with someone who happens to be ill-intentioned, you can't guess they actually expect something less pure than friendship because they always leave a good first impression. As long as you haven't been rubbing shoulders with someone for long enough, I don't think you really know them.
That's why we should use the internet carefully, remaining anonymous as long as possible. When we've finally decided to meet, we should keep a clear head and not let ourselves get involved in unwanted situations. That way, we can make the most of the internet to make friends. (141 words)

(1) "as us " est souligné parce que c'est maladroit ? Je ne vois pas par quoi remplacer "as us"

EXPRESSION 2

* subject était-il aussi bon que topic dans le contexte de la phrase ?

* au sens figuré, embroider est aussi traduit par "enjoliver"
Lien internet

EXPRESSION 3:
Making friends on the internet has of course become a very common action. This tendency has increased with the lockdown which lasted too long: people were isolated and depressed, they needed contacts at any price.
Undoubtedly, when you write to « friends » and receive news of them, you don't feel lonely any longer. You can even influence people (who have no personal ideas) and impose your ideas on them.
However, I don’t think «friendship» on the internet is real friendship, not even «friendship» at all. It’s just a manner to answer solitude and fill a void. In addition, it’s a way of deluding yourself because when you read the posts and reply, you convince yourself that other people are interested in what you think or write. It’s a way for those who are too lazy or unwilling to do something in real life, to think they are important.
Therefore, it’s a big lie. 148 words.

Réponse : Let's suggest/14 de here4u, postée le 30-05-2022 à 21:08:50 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION N°1:

The internet makes it easier for us to get in touch with people who have the same interests as us(1). It broadens our horizons: we can know interesting people we may have never met otherwise. It can really help shy persons to make the first move...
However, while you're chatting online with someone who happens to be ill-intentioned, you can't guess they actually expect something less pure than friendship because they always leave a good first impression. As long as you haven't been rubbing shoulders with someone for long enough, I don't think you really know them.
That's why we should use the internet carefully, remaining anonymous as long as possible. When we've finally decided to meet, we should keep a clear head and not let ourselves get involved in unwanted situations. That way, we can make the most of the internet to make friends. (141 words)

(1) "as us " est souligné parce que c'est maladroit ? Je ne vois pas par quoi remplacer "as us"
TTBonne correction. La "puriste" que je suis préfère "as we do." (mais je sais que l'on entend toujours - "as us", ou presque.

EXPRESSION 2

* subject était-il aussi bon que topic dans le contexte de la phrase ? Chacun peut dire ce qu'il veut ...
* au sens figuré, embroider est aussi traduit par "enjoliver". Pas toujours envie de parler comme un dictionnaire !
Lien internet

EXPRESSION 3:
Making friends on the internet has of course become a very common action. This tendency has increased with the lockdown which lasted too long: people were isolated and depressed, they needed contacts at any price.
Undoubtedly, when you write to « friends » and receive news of / from serait plus clair.)them, you don't feel lonely any longer. You can even influence people (who have no personal ideas) and impose your ideas on them.B
However, I don’t think «friendship» on the internet is real friendship, not even «friendship» at all. It’s just a manner to answer solitude and fill a void. In addition, it’s a way of deluding yourself because when you read the posts and reply, you convince yourself that other people are interested in what you think or write. It’s a way for those who are too lazy or unwilling to do something in real life, to think they are important.
Therefore, it’s a big lie. 148 words.

Très bien corrigé.

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