Expression écrite/aide
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Message de mdu44 posté le 27-08-2023 à 11:05:02 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai fait une expression écrite, pouvez-vous corriger s'il vous plaît pour voir où j'en suis?
Shopping
To talk shopping, there are several things.
First, experience online and in a store.
What are pros and cons to buy online or in a store ?
For example, in a store we look, we try and we choose.
In a store, we can also talk with sellers if we need.
Unfortunately, in a store, sometimes it's completed.
Online, we can't to talk with sellers.
Online, we can't try before buy.
But online, we can return the article.
Next, the shopping can be used like a therapy.
Indeed, people sometimes have difficult situations.
To be reassured they buy something.
For example, we can talk anxiety, sadness, stress.
But also confidence boost, creativity, self expression.
The processus of selection and purchase of clothes, can strengthen the self confidence.
Finally, shopping is a good time.
Shopping is a pleasant break in the daily life.
Thanks
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Modifié par lucile83 le 27-08-2023 13:32
gris
Message de mdu44 posté le 27-08-2023 à 11:05:02 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai fait une expression écrite, pouvez-vous corriger s'il vous plaît pour voir où j'en suis?
Shopping
To talk shopping, there are several things.
First, experience online and in a store.
What are pros and cons to buy online or in a store ?
For example, in a store we look, we try and we choose.
In a store, we can also talk with sellers if we need.
Unfortunately, in a store, sometimes it's completed.
Online, we can't to talk with sellers.
Online, we can't try before buy.
But online, we can return the article.
Next, the shopping can be used like a therapy.
Indeed, people sometimes have difficult situations.
To be reassured they buy something.
For example, we can talk anxiety, sadness, stress.
But also confidence boost, creativity, self expression.
The processus of selection and purchase of clothes, can strengthen the self confidence.
Finally, shopping is a good time.
Shopping is a pleasant break in the daily life.
Thanks
------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-08-2023 13:32
gris
Réponse : Expression écrite/aide de laure95, postée le 27-08-2023 à 12:04:48 (S | E)
Bonjour,
To talk (préposition) shopping, there are several things.
What are (article) pros and cons to buy online or in a store ?
For example, in a store we (can)look, we (can) try and we choose.
Online, we can't to (pas de to derrière CAN)talk with sellers.
Online, we can't try before buy (mettre au gérondif).
But online, we can return the article (ou item).
Next, the (pas de the)shopping can be used like a therapy.
Indeed, people sometimes have difficult situations: mal dit
For example, we can talk (préposition)anxiety, sadness, stress.
But also confidence boost (conjugaison), creativity, self expression.
The processus of selection and purchase of clothes, can strengthen the (pas de the)self confidence.
Finally, shopping is a good time: mal dit
Shopping is a pleasant break in the(possessif à la place de the) daily life.
Réponse : Expression écrite/aide de gerondif, postée le 27-08-2023 à 17:21:21 (S | E)
Bonjour
Je trouve votre expression trop orale, trop lapidaire, comme si vous "causiez" à une copine, d'ailleurs, vous utilisez le verbe "talk", comme si on allait "parler chiffons".
Erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
Shopping
To talk shopping, there are several things. (j'aurais plutot dit if we have to speak about shopping) (dans une rédaction, commenceriez-vous votre thèse antithèse par "Ben, il y a plusieurs choses"? l'expression est maladroite)
First, experience online and in a store.
What are the pros and cons to buy online or in a store ? (plutôt when buying /when we buy)
For example, in a store we can look, we can try and we can choose.(ce "for example" devrait illustrer une affirmation de la phrase précédente, or la phrase précédente est une question, donc il est mal employé)
In a store, we can also talk with sellers if we need to. (a seller sera un vendeur sur le Bon Coin par exemple. Ici, ce sont plutôt des "shop-assistants", ils ne vendent pas ce qui leur appartenait mais les produits du magasin)
Unfortunately, in a store, sometimes it's completed. (mauvais choix du mot)
Online, we can't to talk with sellers. (enlever le to)
Online, we can't try before buy.(gérondif derrière before)
But online, we can return the article.
Next,
Indeed, people sometimes have difficult situations.
To be reassured they buy something.
For example, we can talk anxiety, sadness, stress. (Pourquoi à nouveau ce "for example", Il y a d'autres façons d'introduire un sujet ou un changement de sujet. Talk about passe mal dans un sujet écrit)
But also confidence-boost, creativity, self-expression. (Là, vous donnez l'impression d'être à court de phrases, alors, vous empilez les mots. La première ligne du paragraphe listant des failles et la deuxième des bénéfices, vous auriez pu construire le contraste.)
The processus of selection and purchase of clothes, can strengthen
Finally, shopping is a good time. (voir la correction précédente. On pourrait aussi dire : You usually have a good time when you go shopping.)
Shopping is a pleasant break in
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