Let's Suggest/50

Let's Suggest/50
Message de here4u posté le 15-11-2023 à 14:37:35 (S | E | F)
Hello, dear writers!

Another new topic for you to write about. I hope many will participate enthusiastically, and that you'll do it as well as ever... Don't forget, you may help us in two different ways:

- EITHER you send your try and we'll help you...
OR:
- You can be one of the rescuers and help remove the possible mistakes! In both cases, you'll be sincerely thanked for it!

You mustn't be afraid of making mistakes... We LOVE mistakes, because they give us an opportunity to explain and correct them!

Here is today's topic: Comment on this sentence: "(Young) people spend too much time in front of screens of all kinds." (150 to 160 words.)

Voici le rappel des modalités de la première partie de l'exercice :
1. Je vous demande une EXPRESSION sur le sujet proposé à m’envoyer en mp dès que possible …
2. Très vite, cette première expression sera publiée sur le Forum, et CHACUN sera libre de « corriger » UNE FOIS ( en collant le texte et indiquant les erreurs EN BLEU - ou en majuscules si vous ne pouvez pas utiliser les couleurs- , et en soulignant ce qui vous semble maladroit et que vous voudriez changer, sans donner votre « correction » (forme correcte), à ce moment là, comme il se doit.) Si un autre membre a déjà indiqué des erreurs en bleu, VOUS DEVEZ repartir de cette correction et la confirmer ou la corriger... Un seul essai à la fois sera publié pour corriger… Vous pourrez ensuite donner vos suggestions de correction (en vert!)

IMPORTANT ! Pour me faciliter le transfert des corrections successives de vos travaux sur le site, pourriez vous m'indiquer par un "(" le mot ou segment de phrase qui devrai(en)t être modifié(s), s'il vous plaît ?
ie. (I'm repeating for years... ou (was not only to want something,... Pourquoi ? Simplement parce que le site ne "garde" pas les indications de couleurs ou de soulignement etc. dès que l'on copie... Donc, je prends vos travaux, je les corrige au fur et à mesure avec les codes "bleu" ou "souligné" ou "vert", mais au moment où je vous poste la correction, je perds tout mon travail... et dois tout refaire mot à mot en direct avec deux fenêtres ou même deux écrans pour un travail fastidieux de copie point par point! Merci de votre aide !

Les modalités complètes sont accessibles sur le lien suivant :
Lien internet

( Je vous les rappellerai au fur et à mesure de la progression du travail )
Cet exercice sera ce que vous en ferez ou :etoile : ou **
Do your best, I trust You!
Correction en ligne le lundi 27 novembre 2023.
J'attends vos envois en mp et publierai le premier dès que possible.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU and with us!

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de here4u, postée le 16-11-2023 à 12:30:16 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Here is EXPRESSION N°1: please, indicate possible mistakes, and underline what you think is clumsy.

Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time spending a lot of time in front of various screens such as cell phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become inseparable from young people in their daily lives. . Knowing that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and physical well-being, it is certain that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as eye fatigue, having sleep problems and even reduce consent.
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity, and as young people have become dependent on digital media, we must educate them on correct use and that everyone must be responsible for managing it. the length of time to spend in front of these screens to preserve your mental and physical health.


for being so quick, and you, readers, thanks for your future help!

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de amalia80, postée le 17-11-2023 à 14:13:30 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Here is EXPRESSION N°1: please, indicate possible mistakes, and underline what you think is clumsy.

Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time( spending a lot of time in front of various screens such as cell phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have becomeinseparable from young people in their daily lives. . Knowing that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and physical well-being, it is certain that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as ( eye fatigue ,(having sleep problems and even reduce consent.
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity, and as young people have become dependent'on digital media, we( must educate them( on correct use and that everyone must be responsible for managing it. ( the length of time to spend in front of these screens to preserve your mental and physical health.

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de here4u, postée le 20-11-2023 à 16:22:54 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Green has been allowed for some time now! Do not hesitate to suggest better solutions! ... and to send me your tries for another text.

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de amalia80, postée le 20-11-2023 à 17:29:34 (S | E)
hello!
Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time( in front of various screens such as mobile phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become inseparable from (young people's daily lives. . Knowing that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and physical well-being, it is certain that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as ( eyestrain ,( sleep disorders and even reduce consent.
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity, and as young people have become addicted to digital media, we( need to educate them( on correct use and individual responsability in managing these media. ( We also need to warn them about the time spent in front of these screens to preserve ( their mental and physical health.

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de here4u, postée le 22-11-2023 à 15:30:37 (S | E)
Hello, dears!

No more volunteers? Alright, here is our second try...

EXPRESSION N°2: Please indicate possible mistakes and underline what looks clumsy to you...

«When a screen is turned on, a child is turned off… » this is that a famous doctor or psychologue has said last week. It is a violent image because we know it is true, terribly true ! When a child takes a phone or a tablet alone, he quits reality around him, and people around him. He isolates him and lives a life in a new reality, his reality. No cards for play with a brother or sister, no ball for playing with his friends. No book for escape to a new time, a new environement, develop knowledges and imagination… He is ostage of the screen in front of him and is tented to stay more, come more often… He is addicted. Yes, the screens are drugs and that is why I don’t understand that now the screens given by teachers at school and parents also give bad exemples. Some are always with their phone all the day and it is hard to say to their child that it is bad when they do it too. 176


for your help!

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de littlerene24, postée le 22-11-2023 à 20:24:30 (S | E)
Hello dear Here4u.
Here is my first contribution in this exercize and I don't know how to underline.

Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time (spending a lot of time) in front of various screens such as cell phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become inseparable from (young people in their daily lives.) . (Knowing) that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and physical well-being, it is certain that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as (eye fatigue, having sleep problems) and even reduce consent.
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity, (and as young people have become dependent on digital media, we must educate them on correct use and that everyone must be responsible for managing it. the length of time to spend in front of these screens to preserve your mental and physical health. )

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de amalia80, postée le 23-11-2023 à 07:57:14 (S | E)
EXPRESSION N°2: Please indicate possible mistakes and underline what looks clumsy to you...

«When a screen is turned on, a child is turned off… » this is that t a famous doctor or( psychologue has said last week. It is a violent image because we know it is true, terribly true ! When a child takes a phone or a tablet(alone , he( quits reality around him , and people around him. He isolates( him and lives a life in a new reality, his reality. No cards (for play with a brother orx sister, no ball( for playing with his friends. No book( for escape( to a new time, a new environement, x develop ( xkowledges and imagination… He is ostage of the screen in front of him and is tented to stay( more (x come more often… He is addicted. Yes, ( the screens are drugs and that is why I don’t understand that now the screens( x given by teachers at school and parents (x give bad exemples.(Someare always ( with their phone all (the day and it is hard to say to their child that it is bad when they do it too.

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de here4u, postée le 24-11-2023 à 13:47:05 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Green allowed tonight!

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de amalia80, postée le 24-11-2023 à 16:54:29 (S | E)
EXPRESSION N°2: ...

«When a screen is turned on, a child is turned off… » this is (what a famous doctor or( psychologist said last week. It is a violent image because we know it is true, terribly true ! When a child takes a phone or a tablet( on his own , he( leaves the reality that surrounds him, and people around him. He isolates( himself and lives a life in a new reality, his reality. No cards ( to play with a brother or asister, no ball( to play with his friends. No book( to escape( into a new time, a new environement, to develop ( his knowledges and imagination… He is ostage of the screen in front of him and is tented to stay( longer ( to come more often… He is addicted. Yes, ( screens are drugs and that is why I don’t understand that now the screens( are given by teachers at school and parents who give bad exemples.(Some are always ( on their phone all ( dayand it is hard to say to their child that it is bad when they do it too.

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de littlerene24, postée le 24-11-2023 à 20:35:27 (S | E)
Hello Her4u, here are my suggestions.

EXPRESSION N°1:
Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time spending a lot of time in front of various screens such as cell phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become inseparable from young people in their daily lives. . Knowing that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and physical well-being, it is certain that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as eye fatigue, having sleep problems and even reduce consent.
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity, and as young people have become dependent on digital media, we must educate them on correct use and that everyone must be responsible for managing it. the length of time to spend in front of these screens to preserve your mental and physical health.
Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time in front of various screens such as cell phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become inseparable from young people's daily lives. We know that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and physical well-being, it is certain that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as eyestrain, sleep disorders and even reduce consent.
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity. Realizing that young people have become addicted to digital media, we need to educate them to a correct use, to have a responsible management of it and to control the time spent in front of these screens in order to preserve their mental and physical health.


PS, I don't know what "reduce consent" means in this context.

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de here4u, postée le 26-11-2023 à 12:04:59 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Any other corrections in green concerning EXPRESSION N°2, please?

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de littlerene24, postée le 26-11-2023 à 15:05:43 (S | E)
Hello Here4u, hello Amalia 80.
When I read again my work I feel like I underline a lot, perhaps too much.

EXPRESSION N°2:

«When a screen is turned on, a child is turned off… » this is that a famous doctor or (X) psychologue has said last week. It is a violent image because we know it is true, terribly true ! When a child takes a phone or a tablet alone, he quits reality around him, and people around him. He isolates him and lives a life in a new reality, his (X) reality. No cards for play with a brother or sister, no ball for playing with his friends. No book for escape to a new time, a new environement, (X) develop (X)knowledges and imagination… He is ostage of the screen in front of him and is tented to stay more, come more often… He is addicted. Yes, the screens are drugs and that is why I don’t understand that now the screens given by teachers at school and parents also give bad exemples. Some (X) are always with their phone all the day (X) and it is hard to say to their child that it is bad when they do it too.

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de here4u, postée le 27-11-2023 à 22:32:14 (S | E)
Hello, dear writers and readers,

EXPRESSION N°1: initial text: and my indications:

Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time (spending a lot of time)
in front of various screens such as cell phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become inseparable
from young people in their daily lives. ( Knowing that) This overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental
and physical well-being, it is certain that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as eye fatigue,
having sleep problems and even reduce consent.[Phrase beaucoup trop longue à couper !]
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and XX a reduction in physical activity
(STOP !), and as young people have become dependent on digital media, we must educate them on XXXX correct use(
STOP ! and that everyone must be responsible for managing (it. managing what ?) the length of time to spend
in front of these screens to preserve (your ? mental and physical health.


EXPRESSION N°1: indications N°1: (amalia)

Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time( spending a lot of time in front of
various screens such as cell phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become (inseparable from young
people in theirdaily lives. Knowing that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and physical
well-being, it is certain that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as (eye fatigue,
(having sleep problems and even reduce consent.
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity, and as young people
have become dependent (on digital media, we( must educate them( on correct use and that everyone must
be responsible for managing it. (the length of time to spend in front of these screens to preserve your mental and physical health.


EXPRESSION N°1: indications N°2: (littlerene)

Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time (spending a lot of time) in front of
various screens such as cell phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become inseparable from (young
people in their daily lives.) . (Knowing) that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and
physical well-being, it is certain that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as (eye
fatigue, having sleep problems) and even reduce consent.
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity, (and as young
people have become dependent on digital media, we must educate them on correct use and that everyone must be responsible
for managing it. the length of time to spend in front of these screens to preserve your mental and physical health.

EXPRESSION N°1: suggestions N°1 (amalia)

Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time (in front of various screens such as mobile phones, tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become inseparable from (young people's daily
lives. B Knowing that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and physical well-being, it is certain
that spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as (eyestrain ,(sleep disorders and even
reduce consent.(Phrase trop longue)
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity, and as young people
have become addicted to digital media, we( need to educate them( on correct use and individual respons(ability in managing these media. ( We also need to warn them about the time spent in front of
these screens to preserve ( their mental and physical health.

De bonnes suggestions. Des phrases raccourcies étaient nécessaires.

EXPRESSION N°1: suggestions N°2: littlerene

Nowadays, it is increasingly worrying to note that young people spend a lot of time in front of various screens such as cell phones,
tablets, computers and televisions. These digital devices have become inseparable from young people's daily lives. B
We know that this overuse of screens can have serious consequences on their mental and physical well-being, it is certain that
spending long hours in front of these screens can cause health problems such as eyestrain, sleep disorders and even reduce consent.
In addition, too much connection to these screens leads to social isolation, and a reduction in physical activity. Realizing
that young people have become addicted to digital media, we need to educate them to B a correct use, to have a responsible
management of it. (Là, il faut vraiment couper cette phrase qui n’en finit pas…) (and) Parents must to control the time
spent in front of these screens in order to preserve their mental and physical health.

- Téléphone mobile : UK: mobile/ mobile phone. US: cell/ cellphone
- Fatigue oculaire : eye strain/ eye fatigue/ ocular tiredness/ ocular fatigue.
- remplacer : ‘having sleep problems’ par ’sleep disorders’ est une bonne idée.
- dependent on digital media : était correct ; remplacé par ‘addicted to digital media’ est un peu plus fort.
- responsibility (attention à l’orthographe). To be responsible for something/ responsibility.
Peu de fautes, mais des maladresses… et des phrases beaucoup trop longues…
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

EXPRESSION N°2: initial text and my initial indications:

«When a screen is turned on, a child is turned off… » this is (that a famous doctor or (psychologue (has said last week. It is a violent image because we know it is true, terribly true! When a child takes a phone or a tablet alone, he
(quits XXX reality around him, and XXX people around him. He isolates (him and lives a life in a new reality, his reality. No
cards (for playwith a brother or sister, no ball (for playing with (his friends. No book (for escape to a new time, a new
(environement, develop (knowledges and imagination… (He ? is XXX (ostage of the screen in front
of (him and is (tented to stay more, come more often… He is addicted. Yes, (the) screens are drugs and that
is why I don’t understand that now (the screens given by teachers at school xx Construction de la phrase à
revoir.)(and) (pParents also (give bad exemples. Some XXXXXXX are always with their
(phone all (the)day XXXX and it is hard to (say to their child that it is bad when they do it
too. 176 words

EXPRESSION N°2: indications 1:

«When a screen is turned on, a child is turned off… » this is that t a famous doctor or(psychologue
has said last week. It is a violent image because we know it is true, terribly true ! When a child takes a phone or a tablet(alone ,
he(quits reality around him , and people around him. He isolates(him and lives a life in a new reality, his reality.
No cards (for play with a brother orx sister, no ball(for playing with his friends. No book
(for escape(to a new time, a new environement, x develop (x kowledges and imagination…
He is ostage of the screen in front of him and is tented to stay( more (x come more often… He is addicted. Yes, (the screens are drugs and that is why I don’t understand that now the screens(x given by teachers at school and parents
(x give bad exemples.(Some are always (with their phone all (the day and it is hard
to say to their child that it is bad when they do it too.
De bonnes indications de fautes!

EXPRESSION N°2:littlerene

«When a screen is turned on, a child is turned off… » this is that a famous doctor or (X) psychologue has said last week. It
is a violent image because we know it is true, terribly true ! When a child takes a phone or a tablet alone, he quits reality around him,
and people around him. He isolates him and lives a life in a new reality, his (X) reality. No cards for play with a brother
or sister, no ball for playing with his friends. No book for escape to a new time, a new environement, (X) develop (X)knowledges
and imagination… He is ostage of the screen in front of him and is tented to stay more, come more often… He is addicted. Yes, the
screens are drugs and that is why I don’t understand that now the screens given by teachers at school and parents also give bad exemples.
Some (X) are always with their phone all the day (X) and it is hard to say to their child that it is bad when
they do it too.

EXPRESSION N°2: Suggestions 1: amalia

«When a screen is turned on, a child is turned off… » this is (what a famous doctor or(X psychologist
said last week. It is a violent image because we know it is true, terribly true ! When a child takes a phone or a tablet
(on his own *, he (leaves the reality that surrounds him, and XXX people around him. He isolates (himself
and lives a life in a new reality, his reality. No cards (to play with a brother or a sister, no ball (to play
with his friends. No book (to escape ( into a new time, a new environ(ement, to develop
(his knowledge(s and imagination…
He is (XXX Xostage of the screen in front of him and is (tented to stay(longer,(virgule)
(to come more often… He is addicted. Yes, (screens are drugs and that is why I don’t understand that now
(the) screens (are given by teachers at school ? (pour moi, c’est une autre idée !). (and)
pParents (who) give bad exemples.(Some are always (on their phone all (day
XXXX and it is hard (to say to their child that it is bad when they do it too.

- ce qui/ ce que : Lien internet

- a psychologist.
- * alone/ by themselves/ on their own/ Je pense que le plus important n’est pas contenu dans ces expressions… J’ai pensé à ‘unsupervised'
by an adult/ or a parent. Il existe aussi une expression ‘left to their own devices’, qui ici, peut être pris au mot…
- donner le mauvais exemple : to set a bad exemple.
- toute la journée : throughout the day/ the whole day/ all day/ all day long/
- to say/ to tell : Lien internet

- to say to their child that it is est impossible. [to say to their child : «It is bad…»/ to tell cheir child that it is…


Pfffff... Beaucoup de difficultés pour poster ces corrections... D'abord parce que les EXPRESSIONS étaient mélangées...
(mais je les avais remises en ordre sur mon brouillon) ensuite et surtout parce que je ne vois pas le texte qui disparaît hors écran sur
mon ordinateur...

Je vais demander à Laurent le Webmaster de me dire comment corriger ce "bug", mais j'ai pallié cet inconvénient, comme j'ai pu, en allant
à la ligne bien avant la fin de la ligne "normale".
Pour la prochaine fois : il est IMPERATIF de ne pas mélanger les EXPRESSIONS. Chaque EXPRESSION, une fois publiée, a deux jours pour
les indications de fautes en bleu, et puis ensuite, deux jours pour les suggestions, en vert. Si vraiment vous arrivez
trop tard, passez par ma messagerie et je verrai comment l'intégrer, ou pas...

En attendant, notre correction (surtout de l'EXPRESSION 2) n'est pas satisfaisante. J'ai besoin que vous l'amélioriez encore.
pas d'obligation de reprendre tout le texte si vous manquez de temps, uniquement les phrases qui sont les moins satisfaisantes.

Merci de votre aide.

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de amalia80, postée le 28-11-2023 à 10:38:19 (S | E)
let's suggest
expression 2
"when a screen is turned on, a child is turned off".. this is(what a famous doctor or psychologist said last week.
It is a violent image, because we know it is true, terribly true.When a child takes a phone or a tablet, he is left to his own devices, out of touch with the world around him and isolated.
No cards to playwith his brother or sister, no ball to play with his friends, no book to escape into a new time, a new environment to develop his abilities and imagination.
He is a hostage of the screen in front of him , and is tempted to stay longer and come more often.
He is addicted, yes screens are drugs, and I don't understand why they use screens at school.
And what about the parents who give bad exemples by being on phone all day long? In those conditions, it's hard to tell their children that it is wrong!

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Réponse : Let's Suggest/50 de here4u, postée le 28-11-2023 à 11:16:46 (S | E)
Hello!

Amalia ! C'est parfait ainsi ! (un détail : bad exemples [with an A in English] by being on XXX phone [on the/ their phones])
Amalia et

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