Oral /Immigration
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Message de lulu17 posté le 22-05-2014 à 10:41:43 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai mon oral d'anglais bientôt, je suis nulle dans cette matière, pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes s'il vous plait ?
Merci pour vos réponses.
When America was discovered, millions of Europeans left their homeland to start a new life on the other side of the Atlantic. In many countries people have bad living conditions, they are poor and desperate. America was seen as a land of opportunity. Immigrants say that over there they can find work, earn money, take their children to school. In the United States, it is possible to earn fast money and climb the social ladder. People want to start a new life from the United States.
Past and still today, immigrants from different countries, but today's immigrants to the United States are the populations of South America including Mexico. There are tens of years immigrants go to Ellis Island, the place of arrival of immigrantses waves. Today, most comes from South America and veulents cross the border. To arrive at the border they go through the dessert or pay smugglers to take them to the border. But it is closely watched, and Migra, the Border Police is equipped to let no one pass.
Before immigrants were welcomed in the United States because they were doing the work that Americans do not want to do. Today, there are so many that the United States would accept more.
We can say that the laws concerning immigrants have become very strict and that immigrants are not welcome while 16.7 of the population in the United States are Hispanics.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-05-2014 11:01
Message de lulu17 posté le 22-05-2014 à 10:41:43 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai mon oral d'anglais bientôt, je suis nulle dans cette matière, pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes s'il vous plait ?
Merci pour vos réponses.
When America was discovered, millions of Europeans left their homeland to start a new life on the other side of the Atlantic. In many countries people have bad living conditions, they are poor and desperate. America was seen as a land of opportunity. Immigrants say that over there they can find work, earn money, take their children to school. In the United States, it is possible to earn fast money and climb the social ladder. People want to start a new life from the United States.
Past and still today, immigrants from different countries, but today's immigrants to the United States are the populations of South America including Mexico. There are tens of years immigrants go to Ellis Island, the place of arrival of immigrantses waves. Today, most comes from South America and veulents cross the border. To arrive at the border they go through the dessert or pay smugglers to take them to the border. But it is closely watched, and Migra, the Border Police is equipped to let no one pass.
Before immigrants were welcomed in the United States because they were doing the work that Americans do not want to do. Today, there are so many that the United States would accept more.
We can say that the laws concerning immigrants have become very strict and that immigrants are not welcome while 16.7 of the population in the United States are Hispanics.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-05-2014 11:01
Réponse: Oral /Immigration de here4u, postée le 22-05-2014 à 11:11:57 (S | E)
Hello lulu !
Here's my contribution to help you ...
bleu = erreur ou grosse faute
vert = suggestion
XXXX = elements manquants !
et .... on ne dit pas que l'on est nulle en anglais ...!!!
When America was discovered(in 1492 !), millions of Europeans left their homeland(in the 18th- 19th centuries ...)to start a new life on the other side of the Atlantic. In many countries people have bad living conditions, they are poor and desperate. America was seen as a land of opportunity. Immigrants say (thought ?)that over there they can find work, earn money, take their children to school. In the United States, it is possible to earn fast money and climb the social ladder. People want to start a new life from the United States.(don't you know the narrative past ? )
XXXXXX Past and still today, immigrants from different countries,??? verbe ? but today's immigrants to the United States are the populations of South America including Mexico. There are tens of years immigrants go to Ellis Island, the place of arrival of immigrantses waves. Today, most comes from South America and veulents Oh ! dear ? !! cross the border. To arrive at the border they go through the dessert or pay smugglers to take them to the border. But it is closely watched, and Migra, the Border Police is equipped to let no one pass.
Before immigrants were welcomed (use 'used to' ... it would be better ...)in the United States because they were doing the work that Americans do not want to do. Today, there are so many that the United States would XXX accept more.
We can say that the laws concerning immigrants immigrationhave become very strict and that immigrants are not welcome while 16.7 % of the population in the United States are Hispanics.
Is this an introduction to immigration ? If it is, (don't forget to change all the tenses) in my opinion, you jump much too quickly from the discovery of America to Mexican immigration, which is only one aspect of this very important question ...You hardly mention Ellis Island and the min waves of immigration ... Normally you're required to make references to texts, to quote them, even (which shows that you know them !) I'm afraid this is much too general ...
Bon courage.
here4u
Réponse: Oral /Immigration de lulu17, postée le 22-05-2014 à 12:01:54 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !!!!
Quand on a mon niveau ( inexistant) on peut le dire ^^.
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