Correction/ idée de progrès
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Message de lilis3511 posté le 21-04-2015 à 15:54:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aimerais réussir au mieux mon épreuve du Bac anglais,et c'est pourquoi j'espère avoir une correction pour pouvoir m'améliorer.
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.
I am going to talk about the notion of idea of progress.
The idea of progess can be defined as an improvement – a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. That is why, the world and the society can evolve positively in therms of sciences, technology, modernization, living condition, etc. But the progress can be view in therms of social, for example the situation of African American in USA was very bad some years ago while today everybody have the same right. We can also ask ourselves what is the evolution of African American's situation since the segregation? To answer this question I will present the situation of African American during the segregation, then the improvement of their situation, finally we will see that today the situation is better but not really perfect .
After the slavery, a lot of people may well have thought that the condition of African American would be better. But, somes laws like Jim Crow's laws were created at the end of the 19 centuries to continue to do differences between Black And White people. Jim Crow's laws were created generally in the South of USA to reduce the right of African American. Some of them introduce segregation at school, others in train or bus to separate Black and white. Everything was make to separate Black and White. In fact, in some park, they where compared like dog, because at the main entrance was writte « Negros and dogs not allowed » and we can see in the document « racial discrimination in the USA » that there are separate fountains, waiting rooms... Moreover, in the foto of the document « racial discrimination in the USA », we can see children who manifest with signs where we can read « We won't go to school with negroes » , this foto shows that the racial caracter concern all of the population from old people to young people. Futhermore, in addition to an harder justice, some white people which want to do a justice themselves imposed lynching at African American like with the group named « Ku klux Klan » who was founded against African American, it is a group very racist and violent. But in front of this violence and this discrimination, some african american have reacted for a change!
The assertion of African American's community begins in 1955 in the city of Montgomery, state of Alabama. We can see with the document « Rosa Park »,that it is thanks to this woman that the fight against the segregation in Montgomery begins. She becames an iconic figure for the fight against segregation in USA, this earned her the nickname « mother of civil right movement ». The document « Rosa Parks » shows that She becames famous in 1955 when she refused to let her place in the bus at a white men. Arrested by the police and imposed a fine, she appeals this jugment. Others people fight against segregation in an other way like Malcom X. Malcom X defines himself as a « fighter for the peace " and a " black nationalist " by calling economic indépendance of African Americans and call them to rebell against the racial discrimination. Contrary to Malcom X, Martin Luther King is militantly in favour of the right of Black people in USA without violence. In fact, he helped Rosa Parks, and for this he made boycott against the bus compagny during 381 days. And it is the 13 november 1956, that the supreme court broke the segregationist law concerning the bus. Later, Martin Luther King will become very famous that we can see in the document « I have a dream », thanks to his famous speech pronounced on August 28th 1963 where he shared his conviction for a better future for the Black Community in USA. It was 1955 that Usa integrated African Americans in the society and the segregation bacame illegal. However even after the abolition of its racist laws on the blacks population, the transformations will not be radical and it will take time so that USA become a totally tolerant nation. Indeed, when Barack Obame came to power, we see the image of a more tolerant country in front of the black community. However, it is necessary contrasted the idea that the whites and the blacks are totally equal, given that according to a study, the black young men killed by the police are 21 times more numerous that the white young men. The document « It is an American Problem » shows that the discrimination is far from having disappeared, in almost every domain of the public life. So The segregation is today illegal, but the segregationist system is anchored in the customs.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 21-04-2015 16:43
Message de lilis3511 posté le 21-04-2015 à 15:54:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'aimerais réussir au mieux mon épreuve du Bac anglais,et c'est pourquoi j'espère avoir une correction pour pouvoir m'améliorer.
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.
I am going to talk about the notion of idea of progress.
The idea of progess can be defined as an improvement – a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. That is why, the world and the society can evolve positively in therms of sciences, technology, modernization, living condition, etc. But the progress can be view in therms of social, for example the situation of African American in USA was very bad some years ago while today everybody have the same right. We can also ask ourselves what is the evolution of African American's situation since the segregation? To answer this question I will present the situation of African American during the segregation, then the improvement of their situation, finally we will see that today the situation is better but not really perfect .
After the slavery, a lot of people may well have thought that the condition of African American would be better. But, somes laws like Jim Crow's laws were created at the end of the 19 centuries to continue to do differences between Black And White people. Jim Crow's laws were created generally in the South of USA to reduce the right of African American. Some of them introduce segregation at school, others in train or bus to separate Black and white. Everything was make to separate Black and White. In fact, in some park, they where compared like dog, because at the main entrance was writte « Negros and dogs not allowed » and we can see in the document « racial discrimination in the USA » that there are separate fountains, waiting rooms... Moreover, in the foto of the document « racial discrimination in the USA », we can see children who manifest with signs where we can read « We won't go to school with negroes » , this foto shows that the racial caracter concern all of the population from old people to young people. Futhermore, in addition to an harder justice, some white people which want to do a justice themselves imposed lynching at African American like with the group named « Ku klux Klan » who was founded against African American, it is a group very racist and violent. But in front of this violence and this discrimination, some african american have reacted for a change!
The assertion of African American's community begins in 1955 in the city of Montgomery, state of Alabama. We can see with the document « Rosa Park »,that it is thanks to this woman that the fight against the segregation in Montgomery begins. She becames an iconic figure for the fight against segregation in USA, this earned her the nickname « mother of civil right movement ». The document « Rosa Parks » shows that She becames famous in 1955 when she refused to let her place in the bus at a white men. Arrested by the police and imposed a fine, she appeals this jugment. Others people fight against segregation in an other way like Malcom X. Malcom X defines himself as a « fighter for the peace " and a " black nationalist " by calling economic indépendance of African Americans and call them to rebell against the racial discrimination. Contrary to Malcom X, Martin Luther King is militantly in favour of the right of Black people in USA without violence. In fact, he helped Rosa Parks, and for this he made boycott against the bus compagny during 381 days. And it is the 13 november 1956, that the supreme court broke the segregationist law concerning the bus. Later, Martin Luther King will become very famous that we can see in the document « I have a dream », thanks to his famous speech pronounced on August 28th 1963 where he shared his conviction for a better future for the Black Community in USA. It was 1955 that Usa integrated African Americans in the society and the segregation bacame illegal. However even after the abolition of its racist laws on the blacks population, the transformations will not be radical and it will take time so that USA become a totally tolerant nation. Indeed, when Barack Obame came to power, we see the image of a more tolerant country in front of the black community. However, it is necessary contrasted the idea that the whites and the blacks are totally equal, given that according to a study, the black young men killed by the police are 21 times more numerous that the white young men. The document « It is an American Problem » shows that the discrimination is far from having disappeared, in almost every domain of the public life. So The segregation is today illegal, but the segregationist system is anchored in the customs.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 21-04-2015 16:43
Réponse: Correction/ idée de progrès de sherry48, postée le 21-04-2015 à 18:33:29 (S | E)
Hello.
"The" before general nouns is a very common error, but it is only needed for specific nouns. A second common problem is whether to use singular or plural nouns. Be uniform in your capitalization... I have worked on the beginning.
I am going to talk about the notion of idea of progress.
The idea of progess can be defined as an improvement – a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. That is why, the world and
in social therms the same right. We can also ask ourselves what is the evolution of __ African American's situation since After
differences between Black And White people. Jim Crow's laws were created generally in the south/in southern states to reduce the right__ of African American__. Some of them introduce__ segregation at school, others in train__ or bus__ to separate Black and white. Everything was make to separate Black and White. In fact, in some park__, they where compared like dog_, because at the main entrance was written « Negroes and dogs not allowed » and we can see in the document « racial discrimination in the USA » that there are separate fountains, waiting rooms (etc.)... Moreover, in with signs where we can read « We won't go to school with negroes » , this foto shows that Réponse: Correction/ idée de progrès de lilis3511, postée le 21-04-2015 à 20:03:05 (S | E)
voici ma correction
I am going to talk about the notion of idea of progress.
The idea of progess can be defined as an improvement – a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. That is why, the world and society can evolve positively in therms of science(s), technology, modernization, living conditions, etc. But progress can be see in social therms , for example the situation of African Americans in the USA was very bad some years ago while today everybody has the same right. We can also ask ourselves what is the evolution of the African American's situation since segregation? To answer this question I will present the situation of African Americans during segregation, then the improvement of their situation, and finally we will see that today the situation is better but not really perfect.
After slavery, a lot of people may well have thought that the condition of African Americans would be better. But, somes laws like Jim Crow's laws were created at the end of the 19th centuries to continue to make differences between Black And White people. Jim Crow's laws were created generally in southern states to reduce the rights of African Americans. Some of them introduce the segregation at school, others trains or buses to separate Black and white. Everything was make to separate Black and White. In fact, in some parks, they were compared as dogs, because at the main entrance was written « Negroes and dogs not allowed » and we can see in the document « racial discrimination in the USA » that there is separate fountains, waiting rooms (etc.)... Moreover, in fotos in this document , we can see children who manifest ??? with signs where we can read « We won't go to school with negroes » , this foto shows that racial character ...
Réponse: Correction/ idée de progrès de sherry48, postée le 21-04-2015 à 20:56:57 (S | E)
Hello. You have corrected many of the problems, but not all of them.
...in therms
of science and in social therms(misspelling) ... today everybody has the same right.Only 1 right?
...I will present the situation of African Americans during segregation, then the improvement of their situation, and finally we will see that today the situation is better but not really perfect. ( Perhaps not 'situation' 3 times?)
But, somes
laws, like Jim Crow's(I've never seen this possessive.) laws were created at the end of the 19th centuries(singular) ...introduce the
segregation at school, others on trains or buses to separate Black and white. Everything was make to separate Black and White. In fact, in some parks, they were compared as(preposition for comparisons?)there is
separate fountains, waiting rooms (etc.)... Moreover, in fotoschildren who manifest (manifest has a little different sense in English--use the dictionary for another word)...
Perhaps someone else would like to continue.
Bon courage.
Sherry
Réponse: Correction/ idée de progrès de lilis3511, postée le 21-04-2015 à 22:11:18 (S | E)
voici ma correction
I am going to talk about the notion of idea of progress.
The idea of progess can be defined as an improvement – a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. That is why, the world and society can evolve positively in terms of science(s), technology, modernization, living conditions, etc. But progress can be see in social terms , for example the situation of African Americans in the USA was very bad some years ago while today everybody has the same rights. We can also ask ourselves what is the evolution of the African American's situation since segregation? To answer this question I will present the situation of African Americans during segregation, then the improvement of their condition, and finally we will see that today the situation is better but not really perfect.
After slavery, a lot of people may well have thought that the condition of African Americans would be better. But, some laws like laws of Jim Crow were created at the end of the 19th century to continue to make differences between Black And White people. These laws were created generally in southern states to reduce the rights of African Americans. Some of them introduce segregation at school, others on trains or buses to separate Black and white. Everything was made to separate Black and White. In fact, in some parks, they were compared to dogs, because at the main entrance was written « Negroes and dogs not allowed » and we can see in the document « racial discrimination in the USA » that there are separate fountains, waiting rooms (etc.)... Moreover, in photos in this document , we can see children who demonstrate with signs where we can read « We won't go to school with negroes » , this photo shows that racial character ...
Réponse: Correction/ idée de progrès de sherry48, postée le 22-04-2015 à 17:00:52 (S | E)
Hello again. I'm going to finish the paragraph I started. I am noting the most significant problems.
...character concern
all of the population from old people to young people. Fu_thermore, in addition to an harder (What exactly do you mean?) justice, some white people which want__ to take justice into their own hands But in front(choose another word) of this violence and Sherry
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