Help/missing coins
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Message from vibolcambodge posted on 10-06-2015 at 07:08:24 (D | E | F)
Hello everyone,
Please help me to correct my summary!
Thanks for your help.
The missing coins
Carla and Pete are students in a Bath city. One day, they visited the city as they did very often. While they were walking in a little street, they saw a man playing a flute next to the window of a little shop. They wondered why this man plays his music in a very quiet street. There is no answer for this question immediately, so they decided to go into a little shop which sells old coins and stamps.
When they entered the little shop, Carla and Pete asked the shopkeeper to look at the stamps. However, the shopkeeper’s assistant was unfriendly. Even they showed their stamps to Carla and Pete, but they watched them very carefully. Pete was interesting in the stamps from South America, but they were very expensive.
Later on, Carla and Pete decided to leave the shop. They went to a café for a drink. While they were sitting in the café, the shopkeeper ran to them. He looked very angry. He accused them of stealing his coins. He checked their bags and pockets for his missing coins, but he could not find it.
By hearing a group of students playing music, Carla figured out how the coins were stolen. Then Carla, Pete and policeman went back to the little street and arrested the flute player and the shop assistant. The shopkeeper was very pleased, and he gave Pete the stamps from South America.
Regards
vibol
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Edited by lucile83 on 10-06-2015 07:28
Message from vibolcambodge posted on 10-06-2015 at 07:08:24 (D | E | F)
Hello everyone,
Please help me to correct my summary!
Thanks for your help.
The missing coins
Carla and Pete are students in a Bath city. One day, they visited the city as they did very often. While they were walking in a little street, they saw a man playing a flute next to the window of a little shop. They wondered why this man plays his music in a very quiet street. There is no answer for this question immediately, so they decided to go into a little shop which sells old coins and stamps.
When they entered the little shop, Carla and Pete asked the shopkeeper to look at the stamps. However, the shopkeeper’s assistant was unfriendly. Even they showed their stamps to Carla and Pete, but they watched them very carefully. Pete was interesting in the stamps from South America, but they were very expensive.
Later on, Carla and Pete decided to leave the shop. They went to a café for a drink. While they were sitting in the café, the shopkeeper ran to them. He looked very angry. He accused them of stealing his coins. He checked their bags and pockets for his missing coins, but he could not find it.
By hearing a group of students playing music, Carla figured out how the coins were stolen. Then Carla, Pete and policeman went back to the little street and arrested the flute player and the shop assistant. The shopkeeper was very pleased, and he gave Pete the stamps from South America.
Regards
vibol
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 10-06-2015 07:28
Re: Help/missing coins from razzor, posted on 11-06-2015 at 21:12:15 (D | E)
Hello
The missing coins
Carla and Pete are students in a Bath city
do you mean 'the city of Bath'?. One day, they visited the city as they did very often this needs to be placed before the auxiliary. While they were walking in a little street, they saw a man playing a flute next to the window of a little shop. They wondered why this man plays this is a form of indirect speech. The verb 'to play' needs to be in the preterite. See below for an explanation his music in a very quiet street. There is no answer for this question immediately, so they decided to go into a little shop which sells old coins and stamps.When they entered the little shop, Carla and Pete asked the shopkeeper to look at the stamps. However, the shopkeeper’s assistant was unfriendly. Even
adverb needs to be placed after the pronoun unless you are adding emphasis on who is doing the action they showed their stamps to Carla and Pete, but they watched them very carefully. Pete was interesting Another word of the same family? in the stamps from South America, but they were very expensive.Later on, Carla and Pete decided to leave the shop. They went to a café for a drink. While they were sitting in the café, the shopkeeper ran to
better preposition: towards them. He looked very angry. He accused them of stealing his coins. He checked their bags and pockets for his missing coins, but he could not find it pronoun needs to agree with 'his coins'. By hearing a group of students playing music, Carla figured out how the coins were stolen. Then Carla, Pete and
definite article is needed policeman went back to the little street and arrested the flute player and the shop assistant. The shopkeeper was very pleased, and he gave Pete the stamps from South America.Very interesting text.
Just be careful when using indirect speech. You need to keep the same tense. I will give you an example with the verb 'to say'.
Direct speech: He said, "I am very happy to see you"
Indirect speech: He said that he was very happy to see me.
In your sentence, the idea is the same.
Direct: They wondered, 'why does this man play his music?'
Indirect: They wondered why this man played his music.
Have a good evening!
Re: Help/missing coins from vibolcambodge, posted on 12-06-2015 at 07:26:48 (D | E)
Dear Razzor,
Thank you so much!
you always help me, I am glad for your kindness. I really want to improve my english. I will write every day, topic by topic. When I am strong enough, i will help other.
I deleted the word "Event" in line 7, because it is to complicated.
Please check if I well correct it.
Carla and Pete are students in the city of Bath. One day, they visited the city as they often did. While they were walking in a little street, they saw a man playing a flute next to the window of a little shop. They wondered why this man played his music in a very quiet street. There is no answer for this question immediately, so they decided to go into a little shop which sells old coins and stamps.
When they entered the little shop, Carla and Pete asked the shopkeeper to look at the stamps. However, the shopkeeper’s assistant was unfriendly. They showed their stamps to Carla and Pete, but they watched them very carefully. Pete was fascinating in the stamps from South America, but they were very expensive.
Later on, Carla and Pete decided to leave the shop. They went to a café for a drink. While they were sitting in the café, the shopkeeper ran towards them. He looked very angry. He accused them of stealing his coins. He checked their bags and pockets for his missing coins, but he could not find them.
By hearing a group of students playing music, Carla figured out how the coins were stolen. Then Carla, Pete and the policeman went back to the little street and arrested the flute player and the shop assistant. The shopkeeper was very pleased, and he gave Pete the stamps from South America.
Re: Help/missing coins from razzor, posted on 12-06-2015 at 13:54:36 (D | E)
Hello again!
If I were you, I would change "a little shop" by "a corner shop". It sounds better.
I won't correct in your text, but you can change it yourself
Carla and Pete are students in the city of Bath. One day, they visited the city as they often did. While they were walking in
better preposition: down a little street, they saw a man playing a flute next to the window of a little shop. They wondered why this man played his music in a very quiet street. There is no answer for this question immediately, so they decided to go into a little shop which sells old coins and stamps.When they entered the little shop, Carla and Pete asked the shopkeeper to look at the stamps. However, the shopkeeper’s assistant was unfriendly. They showed their stamps to Carla and Pete, but they watched them very carefully. Pete was fascinating
you have made the same mistake. The -ing form doesn't work here in the stamps from South America, but they were very expensive.Later on, Carla and Pete decided to leave the shop. They went to a café for a drink. While they were sitting in the café, the shopkeeper ran towards them. He looked very angry. He accused them of stealing his coins. He checked their bags and pockets for his missing coins, but he could not find them.
By hearing a group of students playing music, Carla figured out how the coins were stolen. Then Carla, Pete and the policeman went back to the little street and arrested the flute player and the shop assistant. The shopkeeper was very pleased, and he gave Pete the stamps from South America.
Re: Help/missing coins from vibolcambodge, posted on 15-06-2015 at 09:21:59 (D | E)
Thank you again Razzor,
I think I may agree with your suggestion.
Can you check it again please, after this story, I will write other text that contains persuade paragraph.
Carla and Pete are students in the city of Bath. One day, they visited the city as they often did. While they were walking down a little street, they saw a man playing a flute next to the window of a little shop. They wondered why this man played his music in a very quiet street. There is no answer for this question immediately, so they decided to go into a little shop which sells old coins and stamps.
When they entered the little shop, Carla and Pete asked the shopkeeper to look at the stamps. However, the shopkeeper’s assistant was unfriendly. They showed their stamps to Carla and Pete, but they watched them very carefully. Pete was fascinated in the stamps from South America, but they were very expensive.
Later on, Carla and Pete decided to leave the shop. They went to a café for a drink. While they were sitting in the café, the shopkeeper ran towards them. He looked very angry. He accused them of stealing his coins. He checked their bags and pockets for his missing coins, but he could not find them.
By hearing a group of students playing music, Carla figured out how the coins were stolen. Then Carla, Pete and the policeman went back to the little street and arrested the flute player and the shop assistant. The shopkeeper was very pleased, and he gave Pete the stamps from South America.
Kind Regards
vibol
Re: Help/missing coins from razzor, posted on 15-06-2015 at 16:49:32 (D | E)
Your text seems to be correct now
Re: Help/missing coins from vibolcambodge, posted on 16-06-2015 at 03:25:11 (D | E)
RazzorRe: Help/missing coins from rachelle, posted on 26-06-2015 at 03:28:59 (D | E)
Hello,
Very good, there are only a couple of things I would change!
Carla and Pete are students in the city of Bath. One day, they visited the city, as they often did. While they were walking down a little street, they saw a man playing a flute next to the window of a little shop. They wondered why this man played his music in a very quiet street. There
When they entered the little shop, Carla and Pete asked the shopkeeper to look at the stamps. However, the shopkeeper’s assistant was unfriendly. They showed their stamps to Carla and Pete, but they watched them very carefully. Pete was fascinated in the stamps from South America, but they were very expensive.
Later on, Carla and Pete decided to leave the shop. They went to a café for a drink. While they were sitting in the café, the shopkeeper ran toward
By hearing a group of students playing music, Carla figured out how the coins were stolen. Then Carla, Pete and the policeman went back to the little street and arrested the flute player and the shop assistant. The shopkeeper was very pleased, and he gave Pete the stamps from South America.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 26-06-2015 07:39
Re: Help/missing coins from vibolcambodge, posted on 30-06-2015 at 10:31:22 (D | E)
Thank you Rachelle,
Carla and Pete are students in the city of Bath. One day, they visited the city, as they often did. While they were walking down a little street, they saw a man playing a flute next to the window of a little shop. They wondered why this man played his music in a very quiet street. There was no immediate answer for this question, so they decided to go into a little shop that sold old coins and stamps.
When they entered the little shop, Carla and Pete asked the shopkeeper to look at the stamps. However, the shopkeeper’s assistant was unfriendly. They showed their stamps to Carla and Pete, but they watched them very carefully. Pete was fascinated in the stamps from South America, but they were very expensive.
Later on, Carla and Pete decided to leave the shop. They went to a café for a drink. While they were sitting in the café, the shopkeeper ran toward them. He looked very angry. He accused them of stealing his coins. He checked their bags and pockets for his missing coins, but he could not find them.
By hearing a group of students playing music, Carla figured out how the coins were stolen. Then Carla, Pete and the policeman went back to the little street and arrested the flute player and the shop assistant. The shopkeeper was very pleased, and he gave Pete the stamps from South America.
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